Thursday, August 13, 2009

back at it...

Tonight I am meeting with JH, this will be the first time other than some simple txting that we will have talked or looked at one another since ,.,.. well there isn't enough time, energy or space here to explain but nevertheless we are meeting... I feel I am not the only one here who is a bit nervous or anxious ,, I cannot really describe the feeling its like I am headed out to test my own ability to forgive, I believe and trust that I can, but since this is the first and major one... anyhow I will get through it, I have had a positive feeling about taking this step since it began a few weeks ago..

I realize that I am babbling here but its my blog so suck it up..

My body tells me such wonderful things, I know whats going on right now, I have a sty in my Eye, and it showed up on Sunday night Monday... the funny thing is I originally thought it was due to the friday night event, but on Sunday was when I had first planned to meet with JH, I cancelled because I had other things on my plate and I essentially avoided the situation, Tuesday I tried again, still giving other things in my life credit for my stye, came home cleansed my house and my self .. guess what nothing worked to heal my eye,,, today I am realizing that my body is giving me the - deal with it or I wont heal - option. So what is going on with this ongoing eye problem is me thinking I can avoid confronting my fears of hurt ,confronting my fear of failure of forgiveness and not dealing with stuff, and my body saying - guess what avoiding it because your afraid isn't going to work...

on that note I will (as my mother says) "grab the bull by the horns and get it together and just do it"

6:30 tonight...

I will keep you posted.


  1. Damn... I missed this. I really need to play catchup on my blog reading! Having house guests wreaks havoc on routines, lol.

    How did it go? How is your eye? What is your take away from this? And more importantly, why do you still have a word verifier on this damn thing??

  2. wait... what is a word verifier? will blog about the rest

  3. word verrifier is something that when we make a comment we have to type a word everytime to verrify we are not robots.. but it's quite agrrivating and usually prevents most people from leaving comments.. we tough it out bc we luv you but eventually we'll get frustraited and comment less.

    oh is JH.. the guy who did that stuff and used to be like bestest buds with you then .. not because he did uncool things?

  4. yes that is who JH is.... alright word verifier gone...