Friday, January 11, 2019

Hello 2019!!!

So much went on in 2018, moved (yet AGAIN) I think this moving from town to town is similar to me trying to find my husband. Try a little here, NOPE, try a little there, NOPE, Oh there you are. Geeze

Anyhow, were in our new town now with our little girl. BTW she's amazing. I could go on for HOURS about her but this Blog isn't called - telling you about my baby girl-

This is Enlightenment, love and creative being.

Yesterday I had a shifting moment, I did my regular morning thing, being inert at the moment, watching Netflix and doing absolutely nothing for my soul, (seems I shifted into a bit of a comfy spot) I had a small spark of inspiration, I am not sure where it came from, the icky feeling from eating caramel sauce directly from the jar the previous day or just an angelic nudge. But I had the idea that I needed to get back to the gym. Now in my experiences in life I had a family who didn't do the gym, don't get me wrong they were damn hard workers but not fitness type. We didn't hike or ski growing up despite the face we lived in an incredible outdoorsy town.  No my parents fitness was the work that needed to be done on the property, gardening, firewood, mowing and raking the grass, raking leaves, cleaning the house, building this or that. I admire their work but it didn't teach me fitness. In fact I remember in high school I got into liking track and some of the workouts that were required of me in gym class. I started doing sit ups in my room upstairs, this made the slightest creak in the floor, needless to say I was told to stop doing whatever I was up to because I was annoying and when I confessed it was sit ups I was told I didn't need to do that so stop.

I did end up going and working with a personal trainer while living in Vancouver and fell in love with the weights, I worked hard and then stopped. I believe I stopped essentially because I was still judging myself for doing so. That familiar voice of, stop it, you don't need it or you shouldn't do that, was still ringing in my head. I spent tons of money on wasted gym memberships over the years, I'd get inspired then sign up, then go, then stop or convince myself that it was too hard, too expensive too everything essentially just repeating that negativity in my head.

And then there was yesterday. I got the inspiration again, mentioned it to my husband and his initial tone was that of a frustrated partner who had seen me on this endless loop for years, but then his tone changed. He was supportive, as always and encouraged me.

Ha ha fooled him, I didn't need anyone to doubt me my self doubt came rushing in - before I even got out the door! By the time he walked through the door I had completed 5 conversations with him and myself in my head about the entire thing. I was in tears and sniffling like a injured child.

After many more tears and dancing around the topic he finally said to me, "So what is this, if you don't have someone giving you the abuse, you figure hey I'll do it to myself COME ON!" he was right. I felt I didn't deserve to feel good about myself I didn't deserve to have that small amount of money spent on me and something I really really wanted.

I was so use to that voice in my head that when it didn't come fast enough I created a new voice one that was meaner and louder. What was I doing?

I gave my head a serious shake and had a talk with my husband. We discussed how I had slipped back into the inert, low self of steam person I was years ago. I had stopped doing the things I loved because of my own abusive limiting beliefs.  And there it was LIMITING BELIEFS once that phrase slipped out of my mouth it clicked. I was limiting my self based on what I believed I was worth, what I LET stay in my head. I LET my self believe I wasn't going to succeed. I LET my self believe that I was wasting money.

This entire charade was not of anyone else's doing, it was me. Because of that, I was the ONLY person who could change that thought, that feeling, that belief. SHIFT

I did end up going to the gym yesterday, I did a workout, and I did buy a membership. I am not going to assume it will be easy to maintain but I am going to continue to remind myself that only I can make those choices and only I can change that voice in my head. So I'll keep the blog updated with the fitness progress and like every fitness journey, the emotional and mental journey that inevitably come with it.

stay strong lovely people! You're the only ones that can changes something in your life

Friday, June 9, 2017

Trust and creating abundance

On my last post - detaching from drama I worked through some blockages I was having regarding work. The result of that. I got what I was hoping for the very next day. sooo I thought well why not write more about what I am looking to create. It seemed to work so lets try, it's all just energy right!

The thing about asking for exactly what you want is it doesn't leave room for the universe to surprise you with something better. I find in my life it is easier to ask for the qualities you want in something rather than the materialistic exact. For example Phil and I are looking for a home, our first home actually and this is the first location I have ever lived that I actually care to own and put roots. We both have great jobs and I actually think Phil might be getting his raise tomorrow.  We have been looking a couple of houses I wrote down what qualities in a home we're looking for..

You will be surprised what will actually transpire if you put your wants out there to the universe without ego, vanity or materialistic expectations.

This is what I wrote:

The perfect house will become available to Phil and I through our real estate agent, this summer.  We will be notified before it goes on the market. Our house will be a little 1800sqft two level quaint home with a large fenced yard, with room for a garden and a fire pit. A carport and shed. It has hardwood floors and carpet in the bedrooms, tile in the bath. It has 3 bedrooms and 2 1/2 baths a large L shaped kitchen with room for the wood island. It has a dining nook with a patio door. Lots of light. Concrete foundation. The main bath will have a large soaker tub and large shower.  The roof and windows will be new and upgraded. We will get financing right away and it will be available to move into in 30 days from purchase. It will have a partly finished basement perfect for my gym and Phil's man cave. Available in my town. I know the universe has my back and supports me in every way. I ask for this affordable home for Phil and I, this or something better! I am grateful for everything the universe offers and brings my way. The flow of Abundance and prosperity are on my side.  The universe takes care of us, and we are grateful for it.

We ask for a home that is affordable for us so we can still enjoy vacations and treats. We ask that it be affordable to start our family. We ask that it is safe and enjoyable as our first home.

Abundance flows freely through me.
The universe hears me and is working with me to bring me what I need and want
I am grateful for the gifts the universe has brought to me already.
I am open to the flow of prosperity and abundance


Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Detach from Drama

Oh boy, I am doing my best to detach from drama. There is a work related situation that I am trying to keep non biased about. I need to detach myself from the situation and provide understanding and empathy with, but instead my feelings are so strong that I keep letting it get to me.

I am letting it go with the sedona method. I can let this go I will let this go. The tension it's creating in my body is still there but I am actively working to release it.

Maybe some yoga..

Deep breathing...


I am abundance, I am abundance, I am I am I am able to let it go, I am able to let it go, I am letting it go, I am letting it go, I am letting it go, I am free from drama, I am free from drama, I am free from drama..

Life supports me in every possible way
My income is constantly increasing
I now free myself from destructive fears and doubts
Everyday I am getting closer to my goals. The universe has my back and it supporting me every step of the way
My body takes me everywhere easily and effortlessly
Wellness is the natural state of my body
My heart is open. I speak with loving words
I now choose to release all drama, hurt and resentment
I am grateful for my healthy body. I love life
All that I need to know at any given moment is revealed to me. My intuition is always on my side
I am an open channel for creative ideas
I love every cell of my body
Abundance flows freely through me.



I am grateful for my health
I am grateful for my husband
I am grateful for my job
I am grateful for my family
I am grateful for the sun
I am grateful for the rain
I am grateful for my creativity
I am grateful for my healing
I am grateful for my income
I am grateful for my past
I am grateful for my tribe
I am love
I am love
I am love
I am love
I am light
I am light
I am light
I am light
I have more money coming in than going out
I have more money coming in than going out
I am abundance
I am abundance

I am
I am
I am.


Tuesday, May 16, 2017

To speak up or not

Hi,  So I have had a couple of new experiences these past few days, and it has posed as question - to speak up or not? Maybe you get what i'm saying. Your friend is going through something, and instinctively you can tell, but they haven't said anything to you yet, so do you ask? do you drop hints? or do you leave it alone?

I've never been one to just ignore that a friend or family member is going through something. I feel it is part of why I am empathetic, is to be able to be there or help someone. Good or bad. But some might say it is just my ego saying hey get in there.

I don't think it is.

I've had two experiences in the last 24hrs that as they are both different I feel I acted the same. One being a family member that my gut says is in a situation where they may be caught up in some shiny stuff and not acknowledging their full feelings. And another where a dear friend needed someone to understand them but never reached out because they've felt like they were wrong for feeling the way they did.

So in the first instance with family, I didn't necessarily ask if they were sure about their situation, I implied it by stating that I was happy they were sure because when people are not sure *gut sure* things can go badly. I told a story about a personal experience where a couple of my friends thought they were sure about their to be long term commitments but in their gut was the tiny spark of doubt because small things were going on that could have been see as signs. I told how those people when they didn't listen or pay attention to those signs the ended up leaving those situations. I never once said that is whats going to happen to her, I simply said, I am happy you're sure, because I've seen what can happen when people are not. She took this story telling as me being negative towards her situation. Where she said she's happy and sure about her commitments.  She interpreted my sharing of other peoples story as an offence and began defending her situation. I think personally, if you're that sure about what you're doing, and the choices you've made, then a story of other people not working out shouldn't offend you.  I think I was correct to speak up. I don't think she thought so, but this would not be the first time someone didn't like my message.

On the second experience, My dear friend has gone though a tough divorce, there was not a lot of friendliness in it at all. There is also a child involved. She was telling me all about how unfortunately her ex husband has now developed a serious illness in the midst of their divorce and she had concern for his well being. I told her it was completely okay to be concerned and to put all the negativity behind them to focus on supporting family.  This surprised her. She shared that being kind in this situation was something she really wanted but felt she couldn't because everyone around her things she should still be angry. She started to open up about how deep down inside she thought she might still love him as a friend and missed that he was her best friend for so long. I encouraged her to tell him that. Again she was surprised I said that. "BEX thank you so much for saying that, you're the first person that made me feel it was okay" "Of Course it's okay to love him and miss him. Love is the strongest energy in the world and he's still your family. Why keep fighting when you don't even want to anymore. Why not be open and honest and tell him you love him and you miss your friendship!!, He is going through medical problems right now, love and friendship is going to help everyone a lot more right now, a lot more than anger and resentment." Plus, your kid can learn kindness, forgiveness and love from this situation!"

I think this was the first time in a long time she cried. She cried relief that this might work out okay, she cried because I was the first and only person who told her it was okay to have the feelings she did. She is a love and kindness person and the anger and resentment of her divorce wore so harsh on her she hatted the whole experience. So I suggested to do it her way, because just maybe he missed his best friend too, and just maybe in this tough time for him, he needed her. In this situation, again I am glad I spoke up, I feel it gave my friend a voice that she didn't think she could have.

So what are your experiences? Have you ever thought I should have said something but felt it wasn't okay to speak your mind? Have you ever held conviction that what you said was exactly as it should be, regardless of consequences?  In both these instances I have done exactly this before with each of them, the difference is one thinks I should mind my own business and one trusts that as a friend I am always going to tell her the truth and that I always have her best interest in mind. So who is right?


Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Looking back to learn for today

I just spent a few minuets reading some of my old posts. What I learned from them is that I had great conviction, motivation and drive to get and do the things I wanted.  Looking back now and reading my posts I realized that for a while there Daily Gratitude was a strong habit of mine. Almost every day or at least once or twice a week for a while there during a major shift and change in my life, I was posting my "thank you's" and "grateful for's " putting it out to the universe, saying "hey, Im here I am ready for changes and Im thankful for everything you bring to me"

I don't know about you but I think I've gotten a little far away from that practice and I think  it is time again to put it back into action. So today I make the choice to change my perspective.

So - today I am VERY GRATEFUL for everything I have in my life right now, my job, my pay this SNOW that just keeps falling omg.

I am grateful for this experience, thank you universe for the reminder.


Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Making Changes that STICK

Hello 2017!

Yes a new year, a new start, a fresh calendar.

BUT most of us still have the same bills, same personal trolls as we did 5 days ago. How do we create changes for the new year that STICK.

Well first off, the key words here are CREATE CHANGE. Yes we, each individual, is responsible for their own life.

Sorry to drop a truth on you so early in the year but the FIRST thing to acknowledge is you are where you are because you created it.  Not always INTENTIONALLY but you're still responsible.


Well by your thoughts and feelings. I have seen a ton on Social media about how 2016 was SHit and Thank God it's over. Well unless you remove yourself from Drama feeding at the local FB pool and engaging in gossip and reacting to everything and taking on all the crap our pain body LOVES you're going to have a shitty 2017, and 18 and 19 and so on.

Lets talk about the resolution thing. Sure plan to get fit in 30days, eat clean, fill your bank accounts etc but what are you DOING differently to get there?

How about starting by slowing down rather than adding more.  If someone texts you or emails you or even just asks you to do something, Wait, say you'll think about it.  Then do just that THINK, do I really want to host again? Do I really want to watch there cats again? Do these things make me happy? Do they inconvenience me?  Then after some time and once you KNOW what you want - respond.  IT'S OKAY TO SAY NO!

How about a resolution to THINK before Speaking, take that moment between stimulus and response, the space we call choice. CHOOSE to speak words of action, words of positivity. CHOOSE to respond with thought not just re-acting to EVERYTHING.

By saying NO to others when they ask you to do things is saying YES to you! WOW

Once you start to say YES to you and your own time, then you can start working on the thoughts and feelings thing, mostly because all that TIME you say you don't have will be now available.  Now that you've said YES to you, many things start to happen. For one your personal confidence starts to go up, simply because you have put yourself first.   Next you'll find you have more time, lots of free time, especially when all these little things combine, less gossip time, less tv time, less taking care of everyone else time. All those little bits of time add up. Then before you know it, there you have an hour or two just for you! What will you do?

Do, say and create things that make you feel good, feel happy, feel joy.  You have time now, how about some personal spa time, ohh. Or reading time. Maybe bust out those adult colouring books we all bought and put on a shelf. Maybe gear up and do some yoga or weights. All of these little things can now fill up your ME time.

Just think if you break down your full 24hrs in a day to work, sleep, chores, family time etc, you'll see there actually is a good chunk of time that we spend on social media, in line at the store gossiping, watching TV or the news.  Sure those things are entertaining I suppose, more like mind numbing. Why not relax with some stretching or reading instead.

Don't get me wrong I watch my TV and play on my social media too, but I have been catching myself, regurgitating the information on my social media, looking every 15min to see if something new is on there only to find out NOPe still don't care. So just put it down, turn it off, you're not missing anything other than time which you could be using to spoil yourself and make those changes that STICK.

Try it. Even one day at a time.

Nothing works unless you work it.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Finding Balance

Hey there, So today I want to share with you about my struggle with balance in my life.

I am a Libra, the scales, this unfortunately does not mean always balanced, in fact it means a constant struggle for balance. Always checking and tipping the scales to see what works and what doesn't.

One of the things I constantly struggle to balance is my fitness and exercise health. For years I didn't even do anything, then I started working out around 2007 off and on at the gym, do a 6 week program then nothing for 4 months, then another 3 weeks then nothing.  Around 2008 mid year I really committed and took on a trainer and personal coach. Some of my posts around then will share experiences from then.  In 2010 I started some more transitions in my life, I met my love, I started changing due to stress from work and trying to find balance in my life again now that is was not just about me.

Fast forward to 2016 and once again I try to find balance. Having gone through a major depression, 5 moves and 3 jobs in the last  years, now settled in a town I love with a job I love and an amazing group of women who support each other and we are here. The beginning of this year I had some motivation to work out but still not what I used to have.  I started doing some more reading this year, body talk sessions, journaling and overall soul searching.  I started a 21 day workout program 6 days ago yay! 6 days in! Knowing my previous patterns of extremes and swinging the pendulum too far left and right all these year I think I may have found a balance.

For me finding time to work out was difficult because I was trying to fit fitness into my life now how I used to fit it in before. Before when I lived in a great city, when I was single, when I was in my 20's when I was a different version of myself.  Now I have to admit I have learned something from just writing this post, what used to work for me in the past, doesn't necessarily mean it is going to work for me NOW.  Now I am in a wonderful relationship, and Im in a small *currently freezing* town where outdoor running in December is, well, silly. And where my days are shorter in sunlight and longer in freedom.

So I took some time and dug deep to see why I wanted to work out? Did I even like it? What type of workouts do I REALLY enjoy? Then I had a look at my day, I used to work out in the evenings and it worked really well for me. Get off work, head to the gym for an hour or more and be home for 8,9, 10 pm to pass out on my bed after a less than nutritional meal. So I have had to analyze my life now,  My evenings are no longer a efficient or stress free time to work out, I get home at 4pm and My fiancĂ© and I spend the little time we have together in a day enjoying each other company.  Now sure He has offered to make all dinners, and support me and sacrifice that time together for my personal health but I don't WANT to. I like getting home and having a glass of wine and discussing my day. I love it.

SO next option, Mornings. UUUUGH I have a routine in the mornings, I get up I make coffee and I don't talk to anyone for at least 2 hours. 1 of those full hours is coffee. The second is shower, dress, and eat. Phil and I car share so when he arrives it's go time. I can't be fa la la ing around in the morning. I have my routine and I like it.  Evenings after Phil goes to bed was off too because I'm tired by then and really who wants to workout AFTER dinner. BOO

This was the struggle I was having. I tried after work, Nope, the stress of thinking about my workday while lifting was not working. Mornings, rolling out of bed and starting a workout within minuets of opening my eyes HELL NO. That only worked for a total of three weeks then back to wake, coffee.

My struggle wasn't about if I liked working out. I do. Feels great, at the right time. It was about finding the right ME time. When nothing else is pressing me for my attention, when I have sufficiently treated myself to something I love and when I actually have the spunk to do the workouts

I have been trying this routine with my new 21 day plan. I wake up 35 min earlier. The extra 5 is for the snooze button. I get up I have coffee, YAY my favourite part. Then around 6:20am when I am sufficiently caffeinated and awake, I put on my workout gear, grab my water and head upstairs to my home gym.  I do 30 mins working out. I shower eat and by then It is 7:50am and I am in the car.

I feel this one is going to work because all I have to adjust is going to bed about 30 min earlier (no prob whole house is asleep anyhow) and getting up 35 min earlier. I still get coffee, and quite time but I also get my sweat on.

Lets see if this works long term. I have faith.

Nothing works unless you work it.