To speak up or not

Hi,  So I have had a couple of new experiences these past few days, and it has posed as question - to speak up or not? Maybe you get what i'm saying. Your friend is going through something, and instinctively you can tell, but they haven't said anything to you yet, so do you ask? do you drop hints? or do you leave it alone?

I've never been one to just ignore that a friend or family member is going through something. I feel it is part of why I am empathetic, is to be able to be there or help someone. Good or bad. But some might say it is just my ego saying hey get in there.

I don't think it is.

I've had two experiences in the last 24hrs that as they are both different I feel I acted the same. One being a family member that my gut says is in a situation where they may be caught up in some shiny stuff and not acknowledging their full feelings. And another where a dear friend needed someone to understand them but never reached out because they've felt like they were wrong for feeling the way they did.

So in the first instance with family, I didn't necessarily ask if they were sure about their situation, I implied it by stating that I was happy they were sure because when people are not sure *gut sure* things can go badly. I told a story about a personal experience where a couple of my friends thought they were sure about their to be long term commitments but in their gut was the tiny spark of doubt because small things were going on that could have been see as signs. I told how those people when they didn't listen or pay attention to those signs the ended up leaving those situations. I never once said that is whats going to happen to her, I simply said, I am happy you're sure, because I've seen what can happen when people are not. She took this story telling as me being negative towards her situation. Where she said she's happy and sure about her commitments.  She interpreted my sharing of other peoples story as an offence and began defending her situation. I think personally, if you're that sure about what you're doing, and the choices you've made, then a story of other people not working out shouldn't offend you.  I think I was correct to speak up. I don't think she thought so, but this would not be the first time someone didn't like my message.

On the second experience, My dear friend has gone though a tough divorce, there was not a lot of friendliness in it at all. There is also a child involved. She was telling me all about how unfortunately her ex husband has now developed a serious illness in the midst of their divorce and she had concern for his well being. I told her it was completely okay to be concerned and to put all the negativity behind them to focus on supporting family.  This surprised her. She shared that being kind in this situation was something she really wanted but felt she couldn't because everyone around her things she should still be angry. She started to open up about how deep down inside she thought she might still love him as a friend and missed that he was her best friend for so long. I encouraged her to tell him that. Again she was surprised I said that. "BEX thank you so much for saying that, you're the first person that made me feel it was okay" "Of Course it's okay to love him and miss him. Love is the strongest energy in the world and he's still your family. Why keep fighting when you don't even want to anymore. Why not be open and honest and tell him you love him and you miss your friendship!!, He is going through medical problems right now, love and friendship is going to help everyone a lot more right now, a lot more than anger and resentment." Plus, your kid can learn kindness, forgiveness and love from this situation!"

I think this was the first time in a long time she cried. She cried relief that this might work out okay, she cried because I was the first and only person who told her it was okay to have the feelings she did. She is a love and kindness person and the anger and resentment of her divorce wore so harsh on her she hatted the whole experience. So I suggested to do it her way, because just maybe he missed his best friend too, and just maybe in this tough time for him, he needed her. In this situation, again I am glad I spoke up, I feel it gave my friend a voice that she didn't think she could have.

So what are your experiences? Have you ever thought I should have said something but felt it wasn't okay to speak your mind? Have you ever held conviction that what you said was exactly as it should be, regardless of consequences?  In both these instances I have done exactly this before with each of them, the difference is one thinks I should mind my own business and one trusts that as a friend I am always going to tell her the truth and that I always have her best interest in mind. So who is right?

R

Looking back to learn for today

I just spent a few minuets reading some of my old posts. What I learned from them is that I had great conviction, motivation and drive to get and do the things I wanted.  Looking back now and reading my posts I realized that for a while there Daily Gratitude was a strong habit of mine. Almost every day or at least once or twice a week for a while there during a major shift and change in my life, I was posting my "thank you's" and "grateful for's " putting it out to the universe, saying "hey, Im here I am ready for changes and Im thankful for everything you bring to me"

I don't know about you but I think I've gotten a little far away from that practice and I think  it is time again to put it back into action. So today I make the choice to change my perspective.

So - today I am VERY GRATEFUL for everything I have in my life right now, my job, my pay this SNOW that just keeps falling omg.

I am grateful for this experience, thank you universe for the reminder.

R

Knowing Where you Stand.

It is amazing how hurtful and ultimately liberating it is to find out where you stand with people

Maya Angelou and Oprah said

“When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.
~Maya Angelou

"Remember this because it will happen many times in your life. When people show you who they are the first time believe them. Not the 29th. time. When a man doesn't call you back the first time, when you are mistreated the first time, when someone shows you lack of integrity or dishonesty the first time, know that this will be followed many many other times, that will some point in life come back to haunt or hurt you. Live your life in truth. Don't pretend to be someone you're not. You will survive anything if you live your life from the point of view of truth.” ~ Oprah Winfrey.

It is so true, But it isn't always easy to believe, especially if you're like me and you want to believe people are good. You want to believe that someone couldn't possibly be that cruel towards another person.  But they can be, and unfortunately THOSE people, those ones you hope are just having a bad day when they shit on you, Can be your friends your family, your in laws or someone very close to you.  Let me enlighten you.  They are not always having a bad day, some people are just cruel. And you know what, you are a great person, and didn't deserve any sort of shit treatment.  

This experience has recently happened to me, by both my to be mother in law and sister in law.  They both had sharp snake tongues, which I didn't deserve and I held my tongue. I played the higher ground and I kept my cool, for my Man.  And I have done this for 5 years because I though just maybe they were having bad days.  NOPE,  straight up mean.  

So now, after their most recent performances of true colors, I fully understand, they slipped up you see. They actually showed me what they truly thought of m. I don't believe they intended to, most of these type of people intend to, but every now and then they get cocky and let their EGO get in the way and they slip up.  

But as I said at the very beginning of this post, it is oddly liberating that this has happened. Because now I KNOW where I stand and what they truly think of me.  I don't have to try ANYMORE for them to like me, or accept me, I know now this may never happen. SO now I get to be ME!

I have bitten my tongue and kept my words in my stomach all these times and now I don't have to.

I can assure you, next time these people think they can treat me like shit, they are going to get a rude awaking, Because they are going to see I don't care what they think of me any more, I don't need their approval, 

I am proud of myself for figureing this out, sure it took me this long, but I got there. I hope anyone who reads this will also have a liberating moment when they too realize it doesn't matter what others think of you.

It matters what you think of you. And if you have your integrity, and you can stand up for yourself, even eventually, your a better person than them.  My mother always said to me. "Would you ever, ever do something to someone that they just did or said to you?" My response would always be NO

"then your already a better person"

Sending Love Light and Joy !!

Great post

 SO I was going over my stats on my blog and saw that this particular post out of all the ones I have ever written got over 140 visit, I am wondering if this is the one that got my blog in places like Russia, yes, that is my top third place that reads or visits my blog. I've never been, and actually would love to hear back from some of these Russian people who apparently read my blog. Or for that matter, anyone who reads my blog, feedback would be great.

Anyhow on to the good stuff. So seeing that this is the top read post I have I thought I would read it over, (wow I was really in a good place here, need to get back to that) and it is a great post, so here is is again just because I need to see this again and maybe you do too!  Please enjoy



I am currently reading Dr Wayne Dyer (love him) The Power of Intention, learning to co-create your world your way. So this is a great book, I was hearing a lot about intention and acting and speaking with intention... these words stuck in my head but I really didn't understand what that meant to do these things. I think that I have posted about it earlier, but this book is great, it really gets down and explains what it means. So one of the greatest things about intention is that everything is created twice, first as a thought... so I started to acknowledge and listen to the thoughts that were CONSTANTLY running through my head... they were just silly, I was worrying about alllllll kinds of shit that had NOTHING to do with me. I was thinking about situations and problems that didn't even exist... what a waste of energy!

Not only was I thinking about usless shit, I was telling myself and surrounding myself with all kinds of horrible negative things. Hence it was the greatest thing to quit my job. Seriously..

Once I realized what my inner dialog was, I was able to know that if I could have these thoughts that I could just as easily have others... positive thoughts, thoughts of gratitude, love, kindness, creativity, beauty, abudance and expansion.

Being grateful for EVERYTHING, its all a gift, even if it sucks, we have all been there... something crappy has happened and at the time we are like SHIT>>> not cool.. but later sometimes even much later.. the thought comes to us ohhhhhhhhh I now see why the crappy thing happened.. and if it didn't I wouldn't be having this good thing happen now...

Being grateful for everything is just that. saying daily thanks for what the day has brought. you can thank God if that's what you want to call it, the universe, the source, the heavens, its all the same, its the higher energy that creates us with .. here it comes,, intention.... intention as explained in this book is like this... an apple seed is created with the intention to become a beautiful tree, which produces flowers, and more apples.. with more seeds full of intention to create more apples... the seed the tree nor the apple say... what do I do now? they don't say I'm not good enough to be the tree, the apple, the flower, it just knows.. we are all made from the same .... stuff,,, we are all created with intentions.

The way to tap into this is to do things like knowing that we are all connected, all of us, everything! what gets in the way is EGO.. ego says I am alone, I am different than you, I am not the same. YES YA ARE.. we are all souls and spirits... we are all part of a much much much --- larger abundant world.

I say thanks for things in my day that I would otherwise bitch about before, or never acknowledge... Like the rain or the wind, the sun coming through my window. the smile I received from the stranger. All of them are little blessings that should not go unacknowledged.

I am finding that with gratitude, I am able to practice the other things mentioned, Love, beauty, kindness, creativity, expansion, and abundance. actually is pretty easy once you learn gratitude, you then love everything because you know that its been brought to you because you are grateful for it, and then you find it beautiful, with that your creativity starts rolling, and when your on it like that your more likely to practice kindness to others, they cant piss you off your full of love beauty and creativity, with those ingredients brings expansion because you start to think outside the box, "wait I can do that, if I i don't know how now, I sure can learn how" constantly expand your limits.. then comes abundance... once you know you can learn and expand,, you also know that like your potential, everything in life is of abundance, like air... and space..

Light bulb... now its time to act on it... just reading about it, and thinking about it wont get it done, that the second creation,,, making it happen.... one step at a time if needed. I made a new rule in my life.. I must smile at EVERYONE I make eye contact with... funny how many people catch your eye. I smile all friggen day! whoop whoop

Nothing works unless you work it!

NEW AND EXCITING

This past month has been really exciting for me!

I have finally FINALLY started my own business. I have been wanting this for years and always had too much fear. But after what I have experienced when you don't follow your dreams, fear was the smallest on my list.

Check out my new website!

www.designinteriors.ca

Rebecca

A pattern in my postings

I posted the other day about a couple things and this morning I was checking my stats, I really enjoy checking to see where in the world people are reading my blog, it is very cool to see Russia and all sorts of places show up on my stats. As I was checking I saw that this past week one post in particular was being read. It was one I did a few years back just after I changed jobs and such. So then I started to read more of my blog, I noticed that I tend to blog in January, March, July, September, October November and December. My biggest month for posting is September.

This makes sense though, My birthday is the end of September and right around middle of August and right though until after my birthday my my body and mind tends to give me little signals, time to change beck, time to look at the bigger picture here!

I really see my Birthday as a start to my new year. This year I get to start again BIG it is a milestone birthday a new decade. It is funny though because when I mention it too people that I will be 30 this year, the people older than me tell me its great (which is what I am thinking) and people younger some seem to be afraid. One of my childhood friends and I chatted since our birthdays are a day apart, I was saying too her I am excited to start fresh I am in a great place in my life and I feel it can only get better, she as scared and didn't seem to be happy about turning 30. It got me to wonder, does she feel like this because she is not happy with where she is in her life? Did she not accomplish what she had set out too do by this time? Or is she not happy because she doesn't know herself and is only basing her life and where she is on the views of society and where it thinks she should be by now?

For me, yeah I am happy with where I am at right now, I have the love of my life, Phil, I have a great job and promising career, (yeah I thought I would be running my own design firm by now but there seems to be another plan at hand for me and I am okay with that) I am not in the physical condition I thought I would be in considering my previous experience with my personal trainer a couple years back but whatever I am doing something about it now. I have a new trainer and he will help me get back on my feet. There will always be things in life to work on and improve, if we are not constantly tyring to improve and move forward than we are standing still waiting for life playing a victim.

R

Being AWESOME!!

It has been a GREAT DAY!!!!! My Boyfriend (more serious than that he is my MAN life partner mastermind alliance) anyhow, My man just finished his schooling for Baking and he has been getting opportunities thrown at him today it is great SO PROUD. Aside from that the sun was shining and things are just looking really good for us right now. Which brings me to my post title, being AWESOME, I was reminded today again how important it is to have a partner that is right for you, Phil and I are without a doubt meant to be together, our core beliefs about a partnership and careers are very similar. We are equals in our partnership, all responsibilities are shared, money earned is ours and our careers are our own, we have a like for each others friends but in only some cases are we friends with each others friends. We support each other in what we strive for.

It makes for a much easier life having a partner who will support you in your life personally and professionally For example Phil is a baker, this calls for graveyard or early morning work hours, I am an interior designer and this calls for long hours some times and travel. We work with these realities.

It reminds me a book I really love and we both follow to our best ability - the four agreements

1.Be impeccable with your word
2.Never assume
3.Don't take it personally
4.Always do your best

It works - be AWESOME with everything you do, be awesome in your relationships be awesome with your self be awesome in your career - Trust.

Taking care of your body

Last week at work I was helping a co-worker install a small sample sink in an island and I twisted my back, I didn't think it was too bad at first but as the day progresses it got worse, I ended up calling my Chiropractor (I have been going for years and let me tell you it helps) and getting an emergency appointment. She worked on me for about 10 min (long for chiro) and I was off, let me tell you, it HURT for the night, very very swollen back and sharp pains, the next day I stayed home from work to avoid any situations where I may re-injure myself (smart) and within two days I have made full recovery. I have another co-worker who has hurt her back two weeks ago, never sourced any chiropractor or Registered massage therapist and she is still taking high powered pain killers, my point, these people are here to help us. Use them.

I hear a lot about ohh bone crackers and massage doesn't work. Yes it does, the other thing that helps, exercises and stretching daily. I may not exercises daily right now, or even weekly at this moment but I stretch daily. I keeps our body's in shape so that when accidents do happen we can bounce right back. Now on the chiro bit, I have learnt a lot from my Chiropractor she makes sure to teach you why chiro works so well in the first place, well.. sorry to side step here, but apparently the information about chiro and subluxations are very controversial and not all chiropractors believe in it... mmm this may have to take some research and I will get back to you.

WOW

Wow is all i have to say, here I thought there were only Two people who ever saw my blog, ever. I didn't know there was a stats button on here and just found out that people all over the world are checking my personal blog THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. There is nothing more inspiring than knowing people are reading and checking updates.

I have been working on a lot of things, on is my other blog, I am an Interior designer by trade and have decided along with my personal blog I would love to share my design knowledge with the world.

http://bxdesignandphotography.blogspot.com

is my other site.

On my personal note, I have been getting back into Hot Yoga, what an amazing exercises. They heat the room up to something like 40 degrees and then you stretch for an hour or hour and a half. It really feels good for me, I have intentions of getting back into running ( I have taken a bit of a break in the fitness department) and am finding that Hot Yoga is a great way for me to begin, lots of leg strength and lots of core work.

I will keep this blog up to date as well now, keep reading