Working through feelings

This last two and a half months have been a bit tumultuous to say the least.  I've been in conflict with my Parents now for about a year and a bit. I don't like it but I am here because I am finally standing up for myself and my family.

The hardest part of it all is they don't understand any of it. They think that my husband is controlling me, that he is saying everything and that I am just this weak person that is being manipulated. What has really happened is that my husband has shown me unconditional love and support to stand up and say what it is I've wanted to say for a long time to them.

It hurts.

I've begun to go no contact with them over the last two months, first they told me to grow up when I expressed some very raw emotions and anger, then nothing. Every now and then they would send a text that had NO relevance to my issues, which hurt even more. Basically what I felt was that if  I left and never spoke to them again, that was fine.  I felt invisible and belittled.

Recently they send a parcel to which I returned without opening because when there are much bigger issues at hand, sending stuff as love is not the answer.

This act of standing up of course caused and uproar. So once again, I opened up, I explained my feelings, my anger, my issues. They changed the topic, pointed fingers and blamed me again for these problems.

I feel like I jumped right back into that hole. I know what I did, I know how to get out of the hole. I need to pick another street to walk down.

I understand that they are only loving me the best way they know how, and that I cannot expect them to provide love in a capacity that is not available to them. I also understand that they do not think they are doing anything wrong or hurting anyone. Which also means they do not wish to evaluate their behaviors or change in any way.

That being said, then I am the one who needs to change, and I am the one who has that capacity. I have learned more about myself and have gained more self love. With this self love, I can no longer continue to have the same relationship with them as I did before.

Everyone should be free to be respected, loved with out conditions and to have the right to set boundaries as they wish.

I'm not asking much from them. I don't want conditions on our relationship. I want to be respected as an adult and have my husband respected. I want them to love and trust that the choices I am making for myself and my family are my own and that I am smart enough to make my own educated choices. I want them to contact us and plan to come see us. I want them to hear me when I say I'm hurt or angry. I want to rationally discuss those feeling.

this is more of a therapeutic writing as I am not sure if anyone will even read it.

my daughter is napping, the house is silent. I have a few moments to my thoughts.
thanks for listening.
Rebecca

Looking back to learn for today

I just spent a few minuets reading some of my old posts. What I learned from them is that I had great conviction, motivation and drive to get and do the things I wanted.  Looking back now and reading my posts I realized that for a while there Daily Gratitude was a strong habit of mine. Almost every day or at least once or twice a week for a while there during a major shift and change in my life, I was posting my "thank you's" and "grateful for's " putting it out to the universe, saying "hey, Im here I am ready for changes and Im thankful for everything you bring to me"

I don't know about you but I think I've gotten a little far away from that practice and I think  it is time again to put it back into action. So today I make the choice to change my perspective.

So - today I am VERY GRATEFUL for everything I have in my life right now, my job, my pay this SNOW that just keeps falling omg.

I am grateful for this experience, thank you universe for the reminder.

R

Making Changes that STICK

Hello 2017!

Yes a new year, a new start, a fresh calendar.

BUT most of us still have the same bills, same personal trolls as we did 5 days ago. How do we create changes for the new year that STICK.

Well first off, the key words here are CREATE CHANGE. Yes we, each individual, is responsible for their own life.

Sorry to drop a truth on you so early in the year but the FIRST thing to acknowledge is you are where you are because you created it.  Not always INTENTIONALLY but you're still responsible.

HOW?

Well by your thoughts and feelings. I have seen a ton on Social media about how 2016 was SHit and Thank God it's over. Well unless you remove yourself from Drama feeding at the local FB pool and engaging in gossip and reacting to everything and taking on all the crap our pain body LOVES you're going to have a shitty 2017, and 18 and 19 and so on.

Lets talk about the resolution thing. Sure plan to get fit in 30days, eat clean, fill your bank accounts etc but what are you DOING differently to get there?

How about starting by slowing down rather than adding more.  If someone texts you or emails you or even just asks you to do something, Wait, say you'll think about it.  Then do just that THINK, do I really want to host again? Do I really want to watch there cats again? Do these things make me happy? Do they inconvenience me?  Then after some time and once you KNOW what you want - respond.  IT'S OKAY TO SAY NO!

How about a resolution to THINK before Speaking, take that moment between stimulus and response, the space we call choice. CHOOSE to speak words of action, words of positivity. CHOOSE to respond with thought not just re-acting to EVERYTHING.

By saying NO to others when they ask you to do things is saying YES to you! WOW

Once you start to say YES to you and your own time, then you can start working on the thoughts and feelings thing, mostly because all that TIME you say you don't have will be now available.  Now that you've said YES to you, many things start to happen. For one your personal confidence starts to go up, simply because you have put yourself first.   Next you'll find you have more time, lots of free time, especially when all these little things combine, less gossip time, less tv time, less taking care of everyone else time. All those little bits of time add up. Then before you know it, there you have an hour or two just for you! What will you do?

Do, say and create things that make you feel good, feel happy, feel joy.  You have time now, how about some personal spa time, ohh. Or reading time. Maybe bust out those adult colouring books we all bought and put on a shelf. Maybe gear up and do some yoga or weights. All of these little things can now fill up your ME time.

Just think if you break down your full 24hrs in a day to work, sleep, chores, family time etc, you'll see there actually is a good chunk of time that we spend on social media, in line at the store gossiping, watching TV or the news.  Sure those things are entertaining I suppose, more like mind numbing. Why not relax with some stretching or reading instead.

Don't get me wrong I watch my TV and play on my social media too, but I have been catching myself, regurgitating the information on my social media, looking every 15min to see if something new is on there only to find out NOPe still don't care. So just put it down, turn it off, you're not missing anything other than time which you could be using to spoil yourself and make those changes that STICK.

Try it. Even one day at a time.

Nothing works unless you work it.
R