To speak up or not

Hi,  So I have had a couple of new experiences these past few days, and it has posed as question - to speak up or not? Maybe you get what i'm saying. Your friend is going through something, and instinctively you can tell, but they haven't said anything to you yet, so do you ask? do you drop hints? or do you leave it alone?

I've never been one to just ignore that a friend or family member is going through something. I feel it is part of why I am empathetic, is to be able to be there or help someone. Good or bad. But some might say it is just my ego saying hey get in there.

I don't think it is.

I've had two experiences in the last 24hrs that as they are both different I feel I acted the same. One being a family member that my gut says is in a situation where they may be caught up in some shiny stuff and not acknowledging their full feelings. And another where a dear friend needed someone to understand them but never reached out because they've felt like they were wrong for feeling the way they did.

So in the first instance with family, I didn't necessarily ask if they were sure about their situation, I implied it by stating that I was happy they were sure because when people are not sure *gut sure* things can go badly. I told a story about a personal experience where a couple of my friends thought they were sure about their to be long term commitments but in their gut was the tiny spark of doubt because small things were going on that could have been see as signs. I told how those people when they didn't listen or pay attention to those signs the ended up leaving those situations. I never once said that is whats going to happen to her, I simply said, I am happy you're sure, because I've seen what can happen when people are not. She took this story telling as me being negative towards her situation. Where she said she's happy and sure about her commitments.  She interpreted my sharing of other peoples story as an offence and began defending her situation. I think personally, if you're that sure about what you're doing, and the choices you've made, then a story of other people not working out shouldn't offend you.  I think I was correct to speak up. I don't think she thought so, but this would not be the first time someone didn't like my message.

On the second experience, My dear friend has gone though a tough divorce, there was not a lot of friendliness in it at all. There is also a child involved. She was telling me all about how unfortunately her ex husband has now developed a serious illness in the midst of their divorce and she had concern for his well being. I told her it was completely okay to be concerned and to put all the negativity behind them to focus on supporting family.  This surprised her. She shared that being kind in this situation was something she really wanted but felt she couldn't because everyone around her things she should still be angry. She started to open up about how deep down inside she thought she might still love him as a friend and missed that he was her best friend for so long. I encouraged her to tell him that. Again she was surprised I said that. "BEX thank you so much for saying that, you're the first person that made me feel it was okay" "Of Course it's okay to love him and miss him. Love is the strongest energy in the world and he's still your family. Why keep fighting when you don't even want to anymore. Why not be open and honest and tell him you love him and you miss your friendship!!, He is going through medical problems right now, love and friendship is going to help everyone a lot more right now, a lot more than anger and resentment." Plus, your kid can learn kindness, forgiveness and love from this situation!"

I think this was the first time in a long time she cried. She cried relief that this might work out okay, she cried because I was the first and only person who told her it was okay to have the feelings she did. She is a love and kindness person and the anger and resentment of her divorce wore so harsh on her she hatted the whole experience. So I suggested to do it her way, because just maybe he missed his best friend too, and just maybe in this tough time for him, he needed her. In this situation, again I am glad I spoke up, I feel it gave my friend a voice that she didn't think she could have.

So what are your experiences? Have you ever thought I should have said something but felt it wasn't okay to speak your mind? Have you ever held conviction that what you said was exactly as it should be, regardless of consequences?  In both these instances I have done exactly this before with each of them, the difference is one thinks I should mind my own business and one trusts that as a friend I am always going to tell her the truth and that I always have her best interest in mind. So who is right?

R

Making Changes that STICK

Hello 2017!

Yes a new year, a new start, a fresh calendar.

BUT most of us still have the same bills, same personal trolls as we did 5 days ago. How do we create changes for the new year that STICK.

Well first off, the key words here are CREATE CHANGE. Yes we, each individual, is responsible for their own life.

Sorry to drop a truth on you so early in the year but the FIRST thing to acknowledge is you are where you are because you created it.  Not always INTENTIONALLY but you're still responsible.

HOW?

Well by your thoughts and feelings. I have seen a ton on Social media about how 2016 was SHit and Thank God it's over. Well unless you remove yourself from Drama feeding at the local FB pool and engaging in gossip and reacting to everything and taking on all the crap our pain body LOVES you're going to have a shitty 2017, and 18 and 19 and so on.

Lets talk about the resolution thing. Sure plan to get fit in 30days, eat clean, fill your bank accounts etc but what are you DOING differently to get there?

How about starting by slowing down rather than adding more.  If someone texts you or emails you or even just asks you to do something, Wait, say you'll think about it.  Then do just that THINK, do I really want to host again? Do I really want to watch there cats again? Do these things make me happy? Do they inconvenience me?  Then after some time and once you KNOW what you want - respond.  IT'S OKAY TO SAY NO!

How about a resolution to THINK before Speaking, take that moment between stimulus and response, the space we call choice. CHOOSE to speak words of action, words of positivity. CHOOSE to respond with thought not just re-acting to EVERYTHING.

By saying NO to others when they ask you to do things is saying YES to you! WOW

Once you start to say YES to you and your own time, then you can start working on the thoughts and feelings thing, mostly because all that TIME you say you don't have will be now available.  Now that you've said YES to you, many things start to happen. For one your personal confidence starts to go up, simply because you have put yourself first.   Next you'll find you have more time, lots of free time, especially when all these little things combine, less gossip time, less tv time, less taking care of everyone else time. All those little bits of time add up. Then before you know it, there you have an hour or two just for you! What will you do?

Do, say and create things that make you feel good, feel happy, feel joy.  You have time now, how about some personal spa time, ohh. Or reading time. Maybe bust out those adult colouring books we all bought and put on a shelf. Maybe gear up and do some yoga or weights. All of these little things can now fill up your ME time.

Just think if you break down your full 24hrs in a day to work, sleep, chores, family time etc, you'll see there actually is a good chunk of time that we spend on social media, in line at the store gossiping, watching TV or the news.  Sure those things are entertaining I suppose, more like mind numbing. Why not relax with some stretching or reading instead.

Don't get me wrong I watch my TV and play on my social media too, but I have been catching myself, regurgitating the information on my social media, looking every 15min to see if something new is on there only to find out NOPe still don't care. So just put it down, turn it off, you're not missing anything other than time which you could be using to spoil yourself and make those changes that STICK.

Try it. Even one day at a time.

Nothing works unless you work it.
R

Why moving forward can be so Damn hard

So I thought I would share my personal experience with this. Why moving forward is so Damn hard. I believe that in our subconscious mind we are very smart, and we remember things much clearer than our conscious mind can at times. Our subconscious mind also tries to protect us, it steers us away from challenges, and difficult decisions because it likes to be comfortable.  The main problem with this is that moving forward isn't easy. That is why most people stay put, don't change and don't dive into the conscious mind.

Well I have gone there before, I have dove head first into deep deep conscious mind waters and got it in my nose and ears and splashed and felt like I was drowning. But the more I explored the more I understood. I took on learning about awareness like a sponge and all a while I was working very hard on my personal fitness. If you refer back a couple years in this blog you will see these very lovely photos of me, looking very fit.  Well the reality is I stopped. Someone got into my thoughts and I put them on a pedestal, I was convinced the only reason I could have gotten to my fitness goals was because of them. And once I made a few changes in my life and that person left I quit. I pretended to continue but what I was really doing was getting comfortable, because without that person, why try. I had given all the credit to them.

Now being aware and being comfortable is a funny thing, because I can talk the talk all over talk town but I sure as hell wasn't walking any walk. I was simply spewing my to-date knowledge to others who were just a few steps behind me. And the control part of me was just fine with that, Keep a few steps ahead of everyone else and you'll be fine. Well the problem with this was I got lazy and complacent and I stopped doing any of the work and I regurgitated all the past books and re-read them thinking and fooling myself into thinking I was moving forward.

But then, I was invited to an online book club. And I thought SURE it's time, I could use a new book or four.  So I started reading again, NEW information, NEW learning moving forward in my thinking. Typically for me when this happens I move forward in my physical fitness as well. Now remember that for about 6 years I really haven't dove back into these waters. I had a boo boo and I covered it up with a big O'l band aid and I got comfortable and my subconscious mind liked that it kept me there for 6 years.  I aslo stayed in that place becuase I gave away my credit. But Reading this new book I was reminded that It was me who did all the work the first time and I can do it again.

So here I am reading something that is pushing my comfort zone, and I like it, so I start to do mini workouts again. Except now because I am exercising my brain and consciousness a bit more I decide I am going to push a bit harder in my workout. Perfect, Yesterday 15 quick min of weights, I come downstairs I shower and I'm talking to my fiance and I cry, randomly, I cry about something ridiculous.  It only lasts a few min the its gone. So today I work, I come home, I workout, I push a bit harder again, because it feels good. ALL A WHILE THINKING ABOUT LETTING GO and opeing my heart. I push. I complete 20 min of weights and core, I come down stairs still super wound up, I had an abundance of energy after work and after my workout but not positive energy, ANGER, SADNESS, FRUSTRATION its half the reason I pusher harder again today. So I go to shower and I start to cry, and my chest is tight and my muscles feel tight. I finished my shower with bloodshot cried eyes and I go to my fiance, ONE hug and I'm DONE. I cried for at least half and hour. Just sitting in the kitchen tears streaming down my face while watching Phil chop veggies.

And this is exactly what this post is all about.

I haven't been couch lazing and avoiding workouts because the workouts are hard. NO NO NO NO NO,... My subconscious mind KNEW this was all going to begin again. For me I release stagnant energy and energy blockages and SHIT by crying, It is just what my body knows to do with it. No I was avoiding working out because the AFTER IS HARD. Did you know emotion is stored in cells, YES so when you workout for the first times and work hard, those cells are going to change and fat cells are going to leave your body and your going to loose weight but those emotions that energy isn't going to leave with the fat cells, not it needs to leave your body it's OWN way, ANGER, SADNESS, FRUSTRATION, all of it. is going to come out. THAT is why moving forward is do damn hard. Because our cells change when we work on our conscious minds and our physical bodies.

Most people get into awareness books and start physical fitness and then REALIZE all your SHIT is going to come up and release and it sucks its hard its overwhelming. And a lot of people quit at that point, they think that diving into the conscious mind or the physical fitness of our temple bodies is easy. it will be bliss full and enlightening.
OH it is.
LATER.
after the work is done.
But the work is hard.

So from now until I work through it all I accept that every night after my workout, I'll cry my eyes out, I'll curl up in a ball and weep. Then when those emotions are gone, I might experience anger or frustration until that too is gone. But I'm IN all IN.  Bring on the tears

R

A fresh start, from my perspective

This week signifies a fresh start for me, at least I think so. This past few months have probably been the most difficult that I have ever had to work through. I feel like I have come through the mud and put down the weight of the worlds worries and said that is it.

(this is my meditation Buddha, He is happy)

I am going to start off by saying 

I am so very grateful for having been through it, I have learnt about myself and others. I feel gratitude towards the universe for providing for me when I didn't know how I was going to make it.

I was on medical EI for the past 3 months and was off sick for the 2 months before that, basically since Feb I have not worked, at a job that is. I have worked very hard on myself though. I was in deep deep depression and was past my limit of stress. For the first two months I just slept, bathed, ate, slept repeat, at least 3-4 times a day.

But with plenty of rest, love and support, counselling, writing in a journal, some exercise, meditation and a strong personal Will to heal, I have come through.

For the last month and a half I have been feeling normal ish again, no deep sinking feeling, less anxiety, head above water type of feeling.

In the last two weeks I have been feeling great, each day is brighter and even if I do get low or feel overwhelmed or anxious I can manage those feelings now.

Now for the exciting part, as of Monday June 17th I will be starting my Interior Design business. I have made the decision that working for another company is not for me and I am going to pursue my dream of doing Interior Design as my own company.

I will be updating more often as I find writing out in a blog to an audience that may not even be there is soothing for me.

Taking care of your body

Last week at work I was helping a co-worker install a small sample sink in an island and I twisted my back, I didn't think it was too bad at first but as the day progresses it got worse, I ended up calling my Chiropractor (I have been going for years and let me tell you it helps) and getting an emergency appointment. She worked on me for about 10 min (long for chiro) and I was off, let me tell you, it HURT for the night, very very swollen back and sharp pains, the next day I stayed home from work to avoid any situations where I may re-injure myself (smart) and within two days I have made full recovery. I have another co-worker who has hurt her back two weeks ago, never sourced any chiropractor or Registered massage therapist and she is still taking high powered pain killers, my point, these people are here to help us. Use them.

I hear a lot about ohh bone crackers and massage doesn't work. Yes it does, the other thing that helps, exercises and stretching daily. I may not exercises daily right now, or even weekly at this moment but I stretch daily. I keeps our body's in shape so that when accidents do happen we can bounce right back. Now on the chiro bit, I have learnt a lot from my Chiropractor she makes sure to teach you why chiro works so well in the first place, well.. sorry to side step here, but apparently the information about chiro and subluxations are very controversial and not all chiropractors believe in it... mmm this may have to take some research and I will get back to you.

Life, fitness, bob loblaw update

Funny that I should write this post today, I just read my friends Magda's and hers was all about how she hates Yoga.  I was just about to update how I have been doing Hot Yoga once a week and how much I love it. My fitness regime has picked up for sure, I am doing twice a week at the Gym anywhere from 30-45 min. I think in the last year I have been telling myself that I didn't have enough time, but the reality is there is enough time, 30-45 mins is better than 0 min. I am really enjoying the challenge again. I do have to say though that having had a personal trainer before has its benefits.  I can hear her in my head when doing my workouts pushing me to do another set, another push up 5 more, 1 more min. I wouldn't mind doing some more work with her once the opportunity arises. It would just be nice at least once a month to learn some new stuff.

Otherwise I am learning lots still at my job, It is definitely different than doing Design full time. I get to leave work at work. I was doing some design on the side, in the Mandarin community with a Design friend of mine. That is a line you must be careful with, working with friends and making friends at work and especially with bosses. Joy and I work well together we have an understanding. When it comes to business and issues, it is business, no personal allowed. I am currently dealing with a situation where in business an associate of Joy's is trying to pass the buck, place blame on everyone else, dodge her responsibilities. As a designer and strong personality I am not allowing it. She was emailing and phoning me to get my help to clean up her mess. I am not her babysitter so I am simply standing back.

Anyhow, this is sort of a random post.. lil of this lil of that. I will write again soon

B

slow down and breath

I have a pattern that I am working on breaking, I go really fast with everything... everything and it is not serving me. Yesterday while training Jade told me to slow down... like S L O W D O W N............. of course this was great, I got more out of the 20 ab reps in that moment than the last week of ab work. I was able to focus on what I was doing and really reap the benefits of the ab work. HELLO why would I not do that with EVERYTHING in my life... slow down and focus....

Professional athletes do what they do so well because they slow down during their practice and focus on every moment allowing their minds to connect to the actions. This practice allows for calm breathing and focused thoughts, so when in the middle of a race or game their thoughts are 100% clear and focused to make spit second decisions to succeed.

I was practicing this morning, with even just my body brushing before my shower and how I had my shower this morning. It really helped me relax for my day.

I think it really hit home yesterday with the ab exercise because I don't think I realized how much I needed to slooooooooooow down..