CREATING SOMETHING SPECIAL

 Hey! 

Wow it's been a minute since I have checked in there and written anything. It is crazy to see there are still so many views on this blog. So thank you. I am not exactly sure where you all find me or if you even read these but if you do, thanks.

I have been working on a new project recently, and it turns out it is somewhat inspired by this blog. I have been working on a book and some other little treats. I am taking a lot of what I write about here and many other happenings, habits, and rituals I have brought into my life and I am creating a book where they all live together. I hope to have it completed this year so that, if interested, you all can then enjoy it also.  

I have a post that I noticed I left in Draft for years about how I wasnt sure if Interior Design was even something I wanted to continue, funny because I mention a lot of what I am now thinking about as baisis for the book in that post. Maybe one day I will share it, for now I think I will use it for an inspiration to keep on with my project. 

So I'd love to know you're here and reading, and I invite you to check out my project coming, a book about small daily choices that help us come back t ourselves. Find me on instagram @the_health_habit_principals and say hello. If the idea speaks to you, I'd be grateful if you shared it with someone who might connect with it too.

Look forward to seeing you all there.

B

Hello 2019!!!

So much went on in 2018, moved (yet AGAIN) I think this moving from town to town is similar to me trying to find my husband. Try a little here, NOPE, try a little there, NOPE, Oh there you are. Geeze

Anyhow, were in our new town now with our little girl. BTW she's amazing. I could go on for HOURS about her but this Blog isn't called - telling you about my baby girl-

This is Enlightenment, love and creative being.

Yesterday I had a shifting moment, I did my regular morning thing, being inert at the moment, watching Netflix and doing absolutely nothing for my soul, (seems I shifted into a bit of a comfy spot) I had a small spark of inspiration, I am not sure where it came from, the icky feeling from eating caramel sauce directly from the jar the previous day or just an angelic nudge. But I had the idea that I needed to get back to the gym. Now in my experiences in life I had a family who didn't do the gym, don't get me wrong they were damn hard workers but not fitness type. We didn't hike or ski growing up despite the face we lived in an incredible outdoorsy town.  No my parents fitness was the work that needed to be done on the property, gardening, firewood, mowing and raking the grass, raking leaves, cleaning the house, building this or that. I admire their work but it didn't teach me fitness. In fact I remember in high school I got into liking track and some of the workouts that were required of me in gym class. I started doing sit ups in my room upstairs, this made the slightest creak in the floor, needless to say I was told to stop doing whatever I was up to because I was annoying and when I confessed it was sit ups I was told I didn't need to do that so stop.

I did end up going and working with a personal trainer while living in Vancouver and fell in love with the weights, I worked hard and then stopped. I believe I stopped essentially because I was still judging myself for doing so. That familiar voice of, stop it, you don't need it or you shouldn't do that, was still ringing in my head. I spent tons of money on wasted gym memberships over the years, I'd get inspired then sign up, then go, then stop or convince myself that it was too hard, too expensive too everything essentially just repeating that negativity in my head.

And then there was yesterday. I got the inspiration again, mentioned it to my husband and his initial tone was that of a frustrated partner who had seen me on this endless loop for years, but then his tone changed. He was supportive, as always and encouraged me.

Ha ha fooled him, I didn't need anyone to doubt me my self doubt came rushing in - before I even got out the door! By the time he walked through the door I had completed 5 conversations with him and myself in my head about the entire thing. I was in tears and sniffling like a injured child.

After many more tears and dancing around the topic he finally said to me, "So what is this, if you don't have someone giving you the abuse, you figure hey I'll do it to myself COME ON!" he was right. I felt I didn't deserve to feel good about myself I didn't deserve to have that small amount of money spent on me and something I really really wanted.

I was so use to that voice in my head that when it didn't come fast enough I created a new voice one that was meaner and louder. What was I doing?

I gave my head a serious shake and had a talk with my husband. We discussed how I had slipped back into the inert, low self of steam person I was years ago. I had stopped doing the things I loved because of my own abusive limiting beliefs.  And there it was LIMITING BELIEFS once that phrase slipped out of my mouth it clicked. I was limiting my self based on what I believed I was worth, what I LET stay in my head. I LET my self believe I wasn't going to succeed. I LET my self believe that I was wasting money.

This entire charade was not of anyone else's doing, it was me. Because of that, I was the ONLY person who could change that thought, that feeling, that belief. SHIFT

I did end up going to the gym yesterday, I did a workout, and I did buy a membership. I am not going to assume it will be easy to maintain but I am going to continue to remind myself that only I can make those choices and only I can change that voice in my head. So I'll keep the blog updated with the fitness progress and like every fitness journey, the emotional and mental journey that inevitably come with it.

stay strong lovely people! You're the only ones that can changes something in your life
Rebecca

Trust and creating abundance

On my last post - detaching from drama I worked through some blockages I was having regarding work. The result of that. I got what I was hoping for the very next day. sooo I thought well why not write more about what I am looking to create. It seemed to work so lets try, it's all just energy right!

The thing about asking for exactly what you want is it doesn't leave room for the universe to surprise you with something better. I find in my life it is easier to ask for the qualities you want in something rather than the materialistic exact. For example Phil and I are looking for a home, our first home actually and this is the first location I have ever lived that I actually care to own and put roots. We both have great jobs and I actually think Phil might be getting his raise tomorrow.  We have been looking a couple of houses I wrote down what qualities in a home we're looking for..


You will be surprised what will actually transpire if you put your wants out there to the universe without ego, vanity or materialistic expectations.

This is what I wrote:

The perfect house will become available to Phil and I through our real estate agent, this summer.  We will be notified before it goes on the market. Our house will be a little 1800sqft two level quaint home with a large fenced yard, with room for a garden and a fire pit. A carport and shed. It has hardwood floors and carpet in the bedrooms, tile in the bath. It has 3 bedrooms and 2 1/2 baths a large L shaped kitchen with room for the wood island. It has a dining nook with a patio door. Lots of light. Concrete foundation. The main bath will have a large soaker tub and large shower.  The roof and windows will be new and upgraded. We will get financing right away and it will be available to move into in 30 days from purchase. It will have a partly finished basement perfect for my gym and Phil's man cave. Available in my town. I know the universe has my back and supports me in every way. I ask for this affordable home for Phil and I, this or something better! I am grateful for everything the universe offers and brings my way. The flow of Abundance and prosperity are on my side.  The universe takes care of us, and we are grateful for it.

We ask for a home that is affordable for us so we can still enjoy vacations and treats. We ask that it be affordable to start our family. We ask that it is safe and enjoyable as our first home.

Abundance flows freely through me.
The universe hears me and is working with me to bring me what I need and want
I am grateful for the gifts the universe has brought to me already.
I am open to the flow of prosperity and abundance

Rebecca

Detach from Drama

Oh boy, I am doing my best to detach from drama. There is a work related situation that I am trying to keep non biased about. I need to detach myself from the situation and provide understanding and empathy with, but instead my feelings are so strong that I keep letting it get to me.

I am letting it go with the sedona method. I can let this go I will let this go. The tension it's creating in my body is still there but I am actively working to release it.

Maybe some yoga..

Deep breathing...

Grounding.

I am abundance, I am abundance, I am I am I am able to let it go, I am able to let it go, I am letting it go, I am letting it go, I am letting it go, I am free from drama, I am free from drama, I am free from drama..

Life supports me in every possible way
My income is constantly increasing
I now free myself from destructive fears and doubts
Everyday I am getting closer to my goals. The universe has my back and it supporting me every step of the way
My body takes me everywhere easily and effortlessly
Wellness is the natural state of my body
My heart is open. I speak with loving words
I now choose to release all drama, hurt and resentment
I am grateful for my healthy body. I love life
All that I need to know at any given moment is revealed to me. My intuition is always on my side
I am an open channel for creative ideas
I love every cell of my body
Abundance flows freely through me.

Breathe.

Release.

I am grateful for my health
I am grateful for my husband
I am grateful for my job
I am grateful for my family
I am grateful for the sun
I am grateful for the rain
I am grateful for my creativity
I am grateful for my healing
I am grateful for my income
I am grateful for my past
I am grateful for my tribe
I am love
I am love
I am love
I am love
I am light
I am light
I am light
I am light
I have more money coming in than going out
I have more money coming in than going out
I am abundance
I am abundance

I am
I am
I am.


R

Letting GO and opening your heart

I have been in a transition phase for what feels like 6 years in the making. But I think the truth is I will always be in transition, at least as long as I keep learning, exploring my self and my spirit.

I have been working inside quite a bit again, some reading, some Qi Gong, some sitting and thinking and this is what I've come to. I damn well better start to let my light shine NOW because sitting back and waiting is not serving me and it sure as SHIT isn't serving the world.  And really isn't that why we are here? Are we not put in the world to show, help, shine, and teach? I think so! And frankly I have been beat down and shit on for the brightness of my light my whole life.  Jobs, bosses, friends, ex's, and even parents.  I was given a light this BRIGHT because no matter what or who thinks that it should have a filter or cover cannot dull the light that will inevitably be there.  Even myself, I get in my own way ALL the time.

What takes allowing your light to shine is this.  LET GO, let go of thinking you control how bright your light is. LET GO of thinking and analyzing whether you CAN do something or will or will not FAIL at something. LET GO of those people and experiences in the past who have hurt you. You know what, because you have already experienced them they cannot hurt you again unless you let them. SO get the hell out of your own way and out of your own head and let your light shine.  If you have been overweight and unsure about what others will think if you show up at the gym SCREW THEM your light will shine by showing them you're OK and your moving forward.

I have found that what happens when we start to make changes in our lives and in our thinking is it can make those closest to you VERY UNCOMFORTABLE simply because you are doing what they think they can't. But by doing those things, like changing your perspective on things, or letting go of crap we don't need any more or personally bettering yourself is the more you do it the more you inspire others to take the leap and do something great for them selves. So really by helping your self FIRST your actually helping others. That is why it is SO important to get our of your own way. Now you may be thinking BECK! Seriously you just said you need to do the same so how do you know?

Well yes, I have been holding myself back but this is not the first time I have been on this roller coaster, I have done this once before and what it has taught me is that NO MATTER WHAT even if its a little everyday or every week, its a practise, and once you stop the progress stops and the universe waits. It has waited for me to come back around to this place of enlightenment, because the universe gives second and third and forth and hundredth chances. Its like a big circle, if you are not ready and you miss your moment to shine or to change the universe offers it again and again and again and again until you either see it or continue to go in circles.

Some of you may have just has an AH HA moment, like wait I feel like Ive been going in circles for YEARS! Yes you probably have BUT now that you are aware of it, you will begin to look for that moment that gut feeling of NOW.

Trust your intuition even when it seems crazy, trust your self to make the right decision and trust that the universe is going to keep offering you opportunities to shine. Its our responsibility to get out of the way and our of our egos and head and let go, and SHINE.

Here are the lyrics to one of my favourite songs. Let your light shine by Keb Mo.

You say, 

You want to get over.
What are you gonna do?
Watch the world go by
In a corner of the room?
I know,
None of my business.
But there's something I need to say,
If you could see you
The way I see you
You'd start flying on your own.
Step aside and . . .
Refrain:
Let your light shine.
Let your love show
It's a short ride
Down the long road.
When the rains come
And the winds blow
Let your light shine
Wherever you go.
This world is ready and waiting
For you to break on through.
It's time to recognize,
To realize,
You're the only one like you.
Step on up,
Step into your greatness.
Don't be afraid.
There's a place where you will rise up to;
No one else could do what you do.
Get out of the way
Refrain
Get out of the way
Refrain - 2x

Songwriters: KEVIN MOORE, JENNY YATES

Knowing Where you Stand.

It is amazing how hurtful and ultimately liberating it is to find out where you stand with people

Maya Angelou and Oprah said

“When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.
~Maya Angelou

"Remember this because it will happen many times in your life. When people show you who they are the first time believe them. Not the 29th. time. When a man doesn't call you back the first time, when you are mistreated the first time, when someone shows you lack of integrity or dishonesty the first time, know that this will be followed many many other times, that will some point in life come back to haunt or hurt you. Live your life in truth. Don't pretend to be someone you're not. You will survive anything if you live your life from the point of view of truth.” ~ Oprah Winfrey.

It is so true, But it isn't always easy to believe, especially if you're like me and you want to believe people are good. You want to believe that someone couldn't possibly be that cruel towards another person.  But they can be, and unfortunately THOSE people, those ones you hope are just having a bad day when they shit on you, Can be your friends your family, your in laws or someone very close to you.  Let me enlighten you.  They are not always having a bad day, some people are just cruel. And you know what, you are a great person, and didn't deserve any sort of shit treatment.  

This experience has recently happened to me, by both my to be mother in law and sister in law.  They both had sharp snake tongues, which I didn't deserve and I held my tongue. I played the higher ground and I kept my cool, for my Man.  And I have done this for 5 years because I though just maybe they were having bad days.  NOPE,  straight up mean.  

So now, after their most recent performances of true colors, I fully understand, they slipped up you see. They actually showed me what they truly thought of m. I don't believe they intended to, most of these type of people intend to, but every now and then they get cocky and let their EGO get in the way and they slip up.  

But as I said at the very beginning of this post, it is oddly liberating that this has happened. Because now I KNOW where I stand and what they truly think of me.  I don't have to try ANYMORE for them to like me, or accept me, I know now this may never happen. SO now I get to be ME!

I have bitten my tongue and kept my words in my stomach all these times and now I don't have to.

I can assure you, next time these people think they can treat me like shit, they are going to get a rude awaking, Because they are going to see I don't care what they think of me any more, I don't need their approval, 

I am proud of myself for figureing this out, sure it took me this long, but I got there. I hope anyone who reads this will also have a liberating moment when they too realize it doesn't matter what others think of you.

It matters what you think of you. And if you have your integrity, and you can stand up for yourself, even eventually, your a better person than them.  My mother always said to me. "Would you ever, ever do something to someone that they just did or said to you?" My response would always be NO

"then your already a better person"

Sending Love Light and Joy !!

Always an Adventure!

So my life is always... always should I state it once more...ALWAYS an Adventure.  I'd like to say I am spontaneous and inert all at the same time. Yes Possible.

Anyhow quick re-cap before all the new news, in 2013 spring I lost it. I fell apart. I was defeated. I was broken. I slipped into a deep depression and had major insomnia and anxiety to name a few. I spent about 4 months in bed, just in bed, sleeping having a tub maybe some food and sleeping again, day in day out.  I don't recall much of this time as it was mostly sleeping. I ask Phil every now and then how we made it, how we got through and neither of us have much recollection of the time.

I ended up finishing my medial EI and starting my design business thinking I was ready, I dove into work and construction with great gusto. I thought I was better and that I would just shake the rest off. Well, as time over that summer passed I dreamt of space, more than my eye could see in the concrete jungle that I was living at the time. So one day I announced to Phil "what do you think of just taking what is in the bank and moving, getting the HELL out of Vancouver and away from this craziness?" very easy response "Sure, where are we going?" after approximately 20 min of naming cities and responding with NOPE, I had an idea "How about Kamloops, we have been there once, and my Uncle lives there?" Phil "Done!" And so within 30 days of that discussion we were packed and moved.

A very emotional move to say the least, I recall refusing to help with the boxes and just crying and letting all that had happened in the 8 years in that apartment just drain out of my tear ducts.  The relationships, the joy, the anger, the fears, the tears, the loneliness, everything that had come and gone in 8 years had to make its way out of me in 4 hours.

Long drive and lots in-between (this is the short version) we live in Kamloops, we get jobs we laugh about how crazy we are for up and moving like that, but the illness I had still hung over my head, I had not yet gained back the confidence I used to have. I still couldn't shake it off as I mentioned before. A year passes and I start to care again, I start to care about how people treat me, how people talk to me and I get angry again.  This is good, I wasn't angry or frankly anything for awhile. I found during depression that is your only feeling and emotion regardless of the situation it was all just too much, overwhelming and underwhelming all at the same time. Any other emotion I may have showed during that time was fake. I was just making nice.

So back to getting anger back, whoa did it come back. I had been working on a course The Artist Way. and I had only completed about 4 weeks  worth when the emotions started coming back.  Needless to say I quit my job that I was taking up space in and started the journey again, had just over two months off on EI, much of that was TV, writing, TV, reflecting, and silence.  My friends would call this time for me hibernating. I do this every now and then and it helps my process. Although it may not look like I am doing much to those very close to me who see me on a regular basis this inactive hibernating really helps.

The end of Feb 2015 comes along and I get a new job for a company selling mattress. I learn lots which is always good for me, I make connections, I learn more about me and come into my own a little bit more.

April came along and Phil proposed, of COURSE I said YES!!

I would say as of right now, right this instant, I am more the real me than ever before, and everyday it gets better. Everyday I move just that much more into myself and my true being.

And by the real me I mean my mindset, away from being fake, away from being in a deep depression,  away from being someone that everyone thinks I should be. Maybe that is age or just enlightenment.

Anyhow after all that updating I am here to say we are moving again. Phil has found an amazing Job in an amazing bakery in a tiny little town named Golden. So off we go, within a two week period yet again. Oh yes, I forgot to mention in all that last year business we moved from a basement suit to an apartment in a 3 week period too.

So we sort, clean, pack and move again.  Although I feel this move is significant, more so than even the one that got us out of Vancouver, this is THE BIG ONE, the one that is setting the stage for the rest of our lives, the rest of my life personally, for Phil and I as a couple, for Phil and I to move forward to create a family.

Anyhow, I am thinking I will work in a retail store again for a bit, part time, I might do my own business again, I feel I would be ready.

As for my physical health it is better than it has been, my mental health is way better than the past 3 years.

NEW AND EXCITING

This past month has been really exciting for me!

I have finally FINALLY started my own business. I have been wanting this for years and always had too much fear. But after what I have experienced when you don't follow your dreams, fear was the smallest on my list.

Check out my new website!

www.designinteriors.ca

Rebecca

A fresh start, from my perspective

This week signifies a fresh start for me, at least I think so. This past few months have probably been the most difficult that I have ever had to work through. I feel like I have come through the mud and put down the weight of the worlds worries and said that is it.

(this is my meditation Buddha, He is happy)

I am going to start off by saying 

I am so very grateful for having been through it, I have learnt about myself and others. I feel gratitude towards the universe for providing for me when I didn't know how I was going to make it.

I was on medical EI for the past 3 months and was off sick for the 2 months before that, basically since Feb I have not worked, at a job that is. I have worked very hard on myself though. I was in deep deep depression and was past my limit of stress. For the first two months I just slept, bathed, ate, slept repeat, at least 3-4 times a day.

But with plenty of rest, love and support, counselling, writing in a journal, some exercise, meditation and a strong personal Will to heal, I have come through.

For the last month and a half I have been feeling normal ish again, no deep sinking feeling, less anxiety, head above water type of feeling.

In the last two weeks I have been feeling great, each day is brighter and even if I do get low or feel overwhelmed or anxious I can manage those feelings now.

Now for the exciting part, as of Monday June 17th I will be starting my Interior Design business. I have made the decision that working for another company is not for me and I am going to pursue my dream of doing Interior Design as my own company.

I will be updating more often as I find writing out in a blog to an audience that may not even be there is soothing for me.

You get what you think about

"You get what you think about whether you want it or not! So be careful about what you think about."

This is why my calender said yesterday, My Dr. Wayne Dyer calender. I am definitely experiencing this right now, in both professional and personal parts of my life. Personally I need to remember this during the course of my day, remember not to get caught up in the whoop la of other peoples problems or gossip. And to remember that the body heals itself when you let it.

I took a few moments yesterday morning to just sit quietly and breath, five or six deep breaths with my eyes closed just focusing on my inner being. Feeling my toes, my legs, my fingers my heart. Feeling the oxygen go into all my cells, when I opened my eyes again I felt happy and calm, I was starting to get twitchy and speedy and I needed to stop for just a second. Sometimes we all get caught up in our heads thinking about the future the what ifs and really we just need to be present. Being present doesn't mean no thoughts and no planning it means be in that moment while it is happening. There are times in the day for future thoughts, and planning, journal time for example is a great to plan and dream.

If anything that is the best lesson I have taken away from all the coaching and training I have done over the past years, take the time to just stop, breath, focus and start again.

A pattern in my postings

I posted the other day about a couple things and this morning I was checking my stats, I really enjoy checking to see where in the world people are reading my blog, it is very cool to see Russia and all sorts of places show up on my stats. As I was checking I saw that this past week one post in particular was being read. It was one I did a few years back just after I changed jobs and such. So then I started to read more of my blog, I noticed that I tend to blog in January, March, July, September, October November and December. My biggest month for posting is September.

This makes sense though, My birthday is the end of September and right around middle of August and right though until after my birthday my my body and mind tends to give me little signals, time to change beck, time to look at the bigger picture here!

I really see my Birthday as a start to my new year. This year I get to start again BIG it is a milestone birthday a new decade. It is funny though because when I mention it too people that I will be 30 this year, the people older than me tell me its great (which is what I am thinking) and people younger some seem to be afraid. One of my childhood friends and I chatted since our birthdays are a day apart, I was saying too her I am excited to start fresh I am in a great place in my life and I feel it can only get better, she as scared and didn't seem to be happy about turning 30. It got me to wonder, does she feel like this because she is not happy with where she is in her life? Did she not accomplish what she had set out too do by this time? Or is she not happy because she doesn't know herself and is only basing her life and where she is on the views of society and where it thinks she should be by now?

For me, yeah I am happy with where I am at right now, I have the love of my life, Phil, I have a great job and promising career, (yeah I thought I would be running my own design firm by now but there seems to be another plan at hand for me and I am okay with that) I am not in the physical condition I thought I would be in considering my previous experience with my personal trainer a couple years back but whatever I am doing something about it now. I have a new trainer and he will help me get back on my feet. There will always be things in life to work on and improve, if we are not constantly tyring to improve and move forward than we are standing still waiting for life playing a victim.

R

Life, fitness, bob loblaw update

Funny that I should write this post today, I just read my friends Magda's and hers was all about how she hates Yoga.  I was just about to update how I have been doing Hot Yoga once a week and how much I love it. My fitness regime has picked up for sure, I am doing twice a week at the Gym anywhere from 30-45 min. I think in the last year I have been telling myself that I didn't have enough time, but the reality is there is enough time, 30-45 mins is better than 0 min. I am really enjoying the challenge again. I do have to say though that having had a personal trainer before has its benefits.  I can hear her in my head when doing my workouts pushing me to do another set, another push up 5 more, 1 more min. I wouldn't mind doing some more work with her once the opportunity arises. It would just be nice at least once a month to learn some new stuff.

Otherwise I am learning lots still at my job, It is definitely different than doing Design full time. I get to leave work at work. I was doing some design on the side, in the Mandarin community with a Design friend of mine. That is a line you must be careful with, working with friends and making friends at work and especially with bosses. Joy and I work well together we have an understanding. When it comes to business and issues, it is business, no personal allowed. I am currently dealing with a situation where in business an associate of Joy's is trying to pass the buck, place blame on everyone else, dodge her responsibilities. As a designer and strong personality I am not allowing it. She was emailing and phoning me to get my help to clean up her mess. I am not her babysitter so I am simply standing back.

Anyhow, this is sort of a random post.. lil of this lil of that. I will write again soon

B