Hey there, So today I want to share with you about my struggle with balance in my life.
I am a Libra, the scales, this unfortunately does not mean always balanced, in fact it means a constant struggle for balance. Always checking and tipping the scales to see what works and what doesn't.
One of the things I constantly struggle to balance is my fitness and exercise health. For years I didn't even do anything, then I started working out around 2007 off and on at the gym, do a 6 week program then nothing for 4 months, then another 3 weeks then nothing. Around 2008 mid year I really committed and took on a trainer and personal coach. Some of my posts around then will share experiences from then. In 2010 I started some more transitions in my life, I met my love, I started changing due to stress from work and trying to find balance in my life again now that is was not just about me.
Fast forward to 2016 and once again I try to find balance. Having gone through a major depression, 5 moves and 3 jobs in the last years, now settled in a town I love with a job I love and an amazing group of women who support each other and we are here. The beginning of this year I had some motivation to work out but still not what I used to have. I started doing some more reading this year, body talk sessions, journaling and overall soul searching. I started a 21 day workout program 6 days ago yay! 6 days in! Knowing my previous patterns of extremes and swinging the pendulum too far left and right all these year I think I may have found a balance.
For me finding time to work out was difficult because I was trying to fit fitness into my life now how I used to fit it in before. Before when I lived in a great city, when I was single, when I was in my 20's when I was a different version of myself. Now I have to admit I have learned something from just writing this post, what used to work for me in the past, doesn't necessarily mean it is going to work for me NOW. Now I am in a wonderful relationship, and Im in a small *currently freezing* town where outdoor running in December is, well, silly. And where my days are shorter in sunlight and longer in freedom.
So I took some time and dug deep to see why I wanted to work out? Did I even like it? What type of workouts do I REALLY enjoy? Then I had a look at my day, I used to work out in the evenings and it worked really well for me. Get off work, head to the gym for an hour or more and be home for 8,9, 10 pm to pass out on my bed after a less than nutritional meal. So I have had to analyze my life now, My evenings are no longer a efficient or stress free time to work out, I get home at 4pm and My fiancé and I spend the little time we have together in a day enjoying each other company. Now sure He has offered to make all dinners, and support me and sacrifice that time together for my personal health but I don't WANT to. I like getting home and having a glass of wine and discussing my day. I love it.
SO next option, Mornings. UUUUGH I have a routine in the mornings, I get up I make coffee and I don't talk to anyone for at least 2 hours. 1 of those full hours is coffee. The second is shower, dress, and eat. Phil and I car share so when he arrives it's go time. I can't be fa la la ing around in the morning. I have my routine and I like it. Evenings after Phil goes to bed was off too because I'm tired by then and really who wants to workout AFTER dinner. BOO
This was the struggle I was having. I tried after work, Nope, the stress of thinking about my workday while lifting was not working. Mornings, rolling out of bed and starting a workout within minuets of opening my eyes HELL NO. That only worked for a total of three weeks then back to wake, coffee.
My struggle wasn't about if I liked working out. I do. Feels great, at the right time. It was about finding the right ME time. When nothing else is pressing me for my attention, when I have sufficiently treated myself to something I love and when I actually have the spunk to do the workouts
I have been trying this routine with my new 21 day plan. I wake up 35 min earlier. The extra 5 is for the snooze button. I get up I have coffee, YAY my favourite part. Then around 6:20am when I am sufficiently caffeinated and awake, I put on my workout gear, grab my water and head upstairs to my home gym. I do 30 mins working out. I shower eat and by then It is 7:50am and I am in the car.
I feel this one is going to work because all I have to adjust is going to bed about 30 min earlier (no prob whole house is asleep anyhow) and getting up 35 min earlier. I still get coffee, and quite time but I also get my sweat on.
Lets see if this works long term. I have faith.
Nothing works unless you work it.
R
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Thursday, December 15, 2016
Friday, July 17, 2015
Always an Adventure!
So my life is always... always should I state it once more...ALWAYS an Adventure. I'd like to say I am spontaneous and inert all at the same time. Yes Possible.
Anyhow quick re-cap before all the new news, in 2013 spring I lost it. I fell apart. I was defeated. I was broken. I slipped into a deep depression and had major insomnia and anxiety to name a few. I spent about 4 months in bed, just in bed, sleeping having a tub maybe some food and sleeping again, day in day out. I don't recall much of this time as it was mostly sleeping. I ask Phil every now and then how we made it, how we got through and neither of us have much recollection of the time.
I ended up finishing my medial EI and starting my design business thinking I was ready, I dove into work and construction with great gusto. I thought I was better and that I would just shake the rest off. Well, as time over that summer passed I dreamt of space, more than my eye could see in the concrete jungle that I was living at the time. So one day I announced to Phil "what do you think of just taking what is in the bank and moving, getting the HELL out of Vancouver and away from this craziness?" very easy response "Sure, where are we going?" after approximately 20 min of naming cities and responding with NOPE, I had an idea "How about Kamloops, we have been there once, and my Uncle lives there?" Phil "Done!" And so within 30 days of that discussion we were packed and moved.
A very emotional move to say the least, I recall refusing to help with the boxes and just crying and letting all that had happened in the 8 years in that apartment just drain out of my tear ducts. The relationships, the joy, the anger, the fears, the tears, the loneliness, everything that had come and gone in 8 years had to make its way out of me in 4 hours.
Long drive and lots in-between (this is the short version) we live in Kamloops, we get jobs we laugh about how crazy we are for up and moving like that, but the illness I had still hung over my head, I had not yet gained back the confidence I used to have. I still couldn't shake it off as I mentioned before. A year passes and I start to care again, I start to care about how people treat me, how people talk to me and I get angry again. This is good, I wasn't angry or frankly anything for awhile. I found during depression that is your only feeling and emotion regardless of the situation it was all just too much, overwhelming and underwhelming all at the same time. Any other emotion I may have showed during that time was fake. I was just making nice.
So back to getting anger back, whoa did it come back. I had been working on a course The Artist Way. and I had only completed about 4 weeks worth when the emotions started coming back. Needless to say I quit my job that I was taking up space in and started the journey again, had just over two months off on EI, much of that was TV, writing, TV, reflecting, and silence. My friends would call this time for me hibernating. I do this every now and then and it helps my process. Although it may not look like I am doing much to those very close to me who see me on a regular basis this inactive hibernating really helps.
The end of Feb 2015 comes along and I get a new job for a company selling mattress. I learn lots which is always good for me, I make connections, I learn more about me and come into my own a little bit more.
April came along and Phil proposed, of COURSE I said YES!!
I would say as of right now, right this instant, I am more the real me than ever before, and everyday it gets better. Everyday I move just that much more into myself and my true being.
And by the real me I mean my mindset, away from being fake, away from being in a deep depression, away from being someone that everyone thinks I should be. Maybe that is age or just enlightenment.
Anyhow after all that updating I am here to say we are moving again. Phil has found an amazing Job in an amazing bakery in a tiny little town named Golden. So off we go, within a two week period yet again. Oh yes, I forgot to mention in all that last year business we moved from a basement suit to an apartment in a 3 week period too.
So we sort, clean, pack and move again. Although I feel this move is significant, more so than even the one that got us out of Vancouver, this is THE BIG ONE, the one that is setting the stage for the rest of our lives, the rest of my life personally, for Phil and I as a couple, for Phil and I to move forward to create a family.
Anyhow, I am thinking I will work in a retail store again for a bit, part time, I might do my own business again, I feel I would be ready.
As for my physical health it is better than it has been, my mental health is way better than the past 3 years.
Anyhow quick re-cap before all the new news, in 2013 spring I lost it. I fell apart. I was defeated. I was broken. I slipped into a deep depression and had major insomnia and anxiety to name a few. I spent about 4 months in bed, just in bed, sleeping having a tub maybe some food and sleeping again, day in day out. I don't recall much of this time as it was mostly sleeping. I ask Phil every now and then how we made it, how we got through and neither of us have much recollection of the time.
I ended up finishing my medial EI and starting my design business thinking I was ready, I dove into work and construction with great gusto. I thought I was better and that I would just shake the rest off. Well, as time over that summer passed I dreamt of space, more than my eye could see in the concrete jungle that I was living at the time. So one day I announced to Phil "what do you think of just taking what is in the bank and moving, getting the HELL out of Vancouver and away from this craziness?" very easy response "Sure, where are we going?" after approximately 20 min of naming cities and responding with NOPE, I had an idea "How about Kamloops, we have been there once, and my Uncle lives there?" Phil "Done!" And so within 30 days of that discussion we were packed and moved.
A very emotional move to say the least, I recall refusing to help with the boxes and just crying and letting all that had happened in the 8 years in that apartment just drain out of my tear ducts. The relationships, the joy, the anger, the fears, the tears, the loneliness, everything that had come and gone in 8 years had to make its way out of me in 4 hours.
Long drive and lots in-between (this is the short version) we live in Kamloops, we get jobs we laugh about how crazy we are for up and moving like that, but the illness I had still hung over my head, I had not yet gained back the confidence I used to have. I still couldn't shake it off as I mentioned before. A year passes and I start to care again, I start to care about how people treat me, how people talk to me and I get angry again. This is good, I wasn't angry or frankly anything for awhile. I found during depression that is your only feeling and emotion regardless of the situation it was all just too much, overwhelming and underwhelming all at the same time. Any other emotion I may have showed during that time was fake. I was just making nice.
So back to getting anger back, whoa did it come back. I had been working on a course The Artist Way. and I had only completed about 4 weeks worth when the emotions started coming back. Needless to say I quit my job that I was taking up space in and started the journey again, had just over two months off on EI, much of that was TV, writing, TV, reflecting, and silence. My friends would call this time for me hibernating. I do this every now and then and it helps my process. Although it may not look like I am doing much to those very close to me who see me on a regular basis this inactive hibernating really helps.
The end of Feb 2015 comes along and I get a new job for a company selling mattress. I learn lots which is always good for me, I make connections, I learn more about me and come into my own a little bit more.
April came along and Phil proposed, of COURSE I said YES!!
I would say as of right now, right this instant, I am more the real me than ever before, and everyday it gets better. Everyday I move just that much more into myself and my true being.
And by the real me I mean my mindset, away from being fake, away from being in a deep depression, away from being someone that everyone thinks I should be. Maybe that is age or just enlightenment.
Anyhow after all that updating I am here to say we are moving again. Phil has found an amazing Job in an amazing bakery in a tiny little town named Golden. So off we go, within a two week period yet again. Oh yes, I forgot to mention in all that last year business we moved from a basement suit to an apartment in a 3 week period too.
So we sort, clean, pack and move again. Although I feel this move is significant, more so than even the one that got us out of Vancouver, this is THE BIG ONE, the one that is setting the stage for the rest of our lives, the rest of my life personally, for Phil and I as a couple, for Phil and I to move forward to create a family.
Anyhow, I am thinking I will work in a retail store again for a bit, part time, I might do my own business again, I feel I would be ready.
As for my physical health it is better than it has been, my mental health is way better than the past 3 years.
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