Finding Balance

Hey there, So today I want to share with you about my struggle with balance in my life.

I am a Libra, the scales, this unfortunately does not mean always balanced, in fact it means a constant struggle for balance. Always checking and tipping the scales to see what works and what doesn't.

One of the things I constantly struggle to balance is my fitness and exercise health. For years I didn't even do anything, then I started working out around 2007 off and on at the gym, do a 6 week program then nothing for 4 months, then another 3 weeks then nothing.  Around 2008 mid year I really committed and took on a trainer and personal coach. Some of my posts around then will share experiences from then.  In 2010 I started some more transitions in my life, I met my love, I started changing due to stress from work and trying to find balance in my life again now that is was not just about me.

Fast forward to 2016 and once again I try to find balance. Having gone through a major depression, 5 moves and 3 jobs in the last  years, now settled in a town I love with a job I love and an amazing group of women who support each other and we are here. The beginning of this year I had some motivation to work out but still not what I used to have.  I started doing some more reading this year, body talk sessions, journaling and overall soul searching.  I started a 21 day workout program 6 days ago yay! 6 days in! Knowing my previous patterns of extremes and swinging the pendulum too far left and right all these year I think I may have found a balance.

For me finding time to work out was difficult because I was trying to fit fitness into my life now how I used to fit it in before. Before when I lived in a great city, when I was single, when I was in my 20's when I was a different version of myself.  Now I have to admit I have learned something from just writing this post, what used to work for me in the past, doesn't necessarily mean it is going to work for me NOW.  Now I am in a wonderful relationship, and Im in a small *currently freezing* town where outdoor running in December is, well, silly. And where my days are shorter in sunlight and longer in freedom.

So I took some time and dug deep to see why I wanted to work out? Did I even like it? What type of workouts do I REALLY enjoy? Then I had a look at my day, I used to work out in the evenings and it worked really well for me. Get off work, head to the gym for an hour or more and be home for 8,9, 10 pm to pass out on my bed after a less than nutritional meal. So I have had to analyze my life now,  My evenings are no longer a efficient or stress free time to work out, I get home at 4pm and My fiancé and I spend the little time we have together in a day enjoying each other company.  Now sure He has offered to make all dinners, and support me and sacrifice that time together for my personal health but I don't WANT to. I like getting home and having a glass of wine and discussing my day. I love it.

SO next option, Mornings. UUUUGH I have a routine in the mornings, I get up I make coffee and I don't talk to anyone for at least 2 hours. 1 of those full hours is coffee. The second is shower, dress, and eat. Phil and I car share so when he arrives it's go time. I can't be fa la la ing around in the morning. I have my routine and I like it.  Evenings after Phil goes to bed was off too because I'm tired by then and really who wants to workout AFTER dinner. BOO

This was the struggle I was having. I tried after work, Nope, the stress of thinking about my workday while lifting was not working. Mornings, rolling out of bed and starting a workout within minuets of opening my eyes HELL NO. That only worked for a total of three weeks then back to wake, coffee.

My struggle wasn't about if I liked working out. I do. Feels great, at the right time. It was about finding the right ME time. When nothing else is pressing me for my attention, when I have sufficiently treated myself to something I love and when I actually have the spunk to do the workouts

I have been trying this routine with my new 21 day plan. I wake up 35 min earlier. The extra 5 is for the snooze button. I get up I have coffee, YAY my favourite part. Then around 6:20am when I am sufficiently caffeinated and awake, I put on my workout gear, grab my water and head upstairs to my home gym.  I do 30 mins working out. I shower eat and by then It is 7:50am and I am in the car.

I feel this one is going to work because all I have to adjust is going to bed about 30 min earlier (no prob whole house is asleep anyhow) and getting up 35 min earlier. I still get coffee, and quite time but I also get my sweat on.

Lets see if this works long term. I have faith.

Nothing works unless you work it.
R

Rounding out 2016

Hey its been quite some time since I've posted. I see last was an angry rant from when my mother in law and sister in law to be were here and pissed me off.

I have recently revisited my blog, re-reading posts, analyzing where I was at, where I am at now, reflecting on my past.

I've been looking for my inner fire these past few months, you know that go get em attitude, that motivation that pushes past comfort. I am ready now to explore it again, but I seemed to have forgotten where I put it.   In the beginning of September I started on a search, I guess is the best way to put it, I started searching inward again. Having a look at my beliefs, my personal limits I've placed on my self, motivations, what keeps me sitting on the couch. And I think what I have realized is that basically I got lazy, I got comfortable, and I am starting to feel this is not who I want to be.

Overweight, tired, un-motivated, un-inspired and full of irrational fears. Yup, that is what happens when you stop doing the work. So now it's time. And one thing I have learned this past two months is when setting goals, intentions and manifesting your life, it is VERY important to manifest NOW. Yes that is correct, NOW. I discovered that what I was doing (barely) was saying things like "I am going to work out" or I am going to eat better" or I am going to start painting again" or things like "I want to start ...."

You get the point. But the problem with these statements is they are projected into the FUTURE. Once I realized that I started with "I am ready NOW to be strong. I am ready NOW to make smarter choices, I am ready NOW for creativity" I am finding for myself that I need all of these things together. Reading back I see I knew that, but seems I forgot.  In order to light my motivation fire, my creative fire I need to DO DO DO DO DO all of these things, because painting makes me feel good and working out makes me feel good and eating right makes me feel good.

I found a great photo of myself from back in the blog and realized that when I did look that great, I wasn't confident that I could 1. maintain it 2. own it 3. that is was really really good for me. I was simply doing what others told me to do. NOW in all my new 6 years older wisdom I see that I created my failure myself but not believing I deserved to look great. And by not believing it I created my own failure.

Now given my not believing I deserved to SHINE did not only come from inside my head. I am not one to pass the buck on things or place blame but I did grow up in a situation where frankly there was no more room for SHINY in our house. A certain family member took up all the room for being the most important one, and what this taught me was to be second. It taught me how to dull my light so that I didn't *what I thought* hurt peoples feelings, and I didn't make people feel less for me being awesome. It ingrained a belief that if I was thinner, successful, HAPPY and financially stable it proved them to be a failure.

I am still working through this one. I feel that because I have identified what happened and why I constantly stopped myself just short of success or when I did succeed I self sabotaged the efforts. And even reading back in my blogs, that photo of my super happy successful weight loss, I even mention that I am going to be visiting with family and I remember now that trip was what re-affirmed that I shouldn't be shiny. I remember the entire event.

Looking at it all now, I am ready to start again. Because I KNOW now what was holding me back and I KNOW now that I have every RIGHT to be as shiny as fuck. So with all these thoughts and blurbs on the page, I leave you with my old tagline.

Nothing works unless you work it. Peace out. R

You get what you think about

"You get what you think about whether you want it or not! So be careful about what you think about."

This is why my calender said yesterday, My Dr. Wayne Dyer calender. I am definitely experiencing this right now, in both professional and personal parts of my life. Personally I need to remember this during the course of my day, remember not to get caught up in the whoop la of other peoples problems or gossip. And to remember that the body heals itself when you let it.

I took a few moments yesterday morning to just sit quietly and breath, five or six deep breaths with my eyes closed just focusing on my inner being. Feeling my toes, my legs, my fingers my heart. Feeling the oxygen go into all my cells, when I opened my eyes again I felt happy and calm, I was starting to get twitchy and speedy and I needed to stop for just a second. Sometimes we all get caught up in our heads thinking about the future the what ifs and really we just need to be present. Being present doesn't mean no thoughts and no planning it means be in that moment while it is happening. There are times in the day for future thoughts, and planning, journal time for example is a great to plan and dream.

If anything that is the best lesson I have taken away from all the coaching and training I have done over the past years, take the time to just stop, breath, focus and start again.