Always an Adventure!

So my life is always... always should I state it once more...ALWAYS an Adventure.  I'd like to say I am spontaneous and inert all at the same time. Yes Possible.

Anyhow quick re-cap before all the new news, in 2013 spring I lost it. I fell apart. I was defeated. I was broken. I slipped into a deep depression and had major insomnia and anxiety to name a few. I spent about 4 months in bed, just in bed, sleeping having a tub maybe some food and sleeping again, day in day out.  I don't recall much of this time as it was mostly sleeping. I ask Phil every now and then how we made it, how we got through and neither of us have much recollection of the time.

I ended up finishing my medial EI and starting my design business thinking I was ready, I dove into work and construction with great gusto. I thought I was better and that I would just shake the rest off. Well, as time over that summer passed I dreamt of space, more than my eye could see in the concrete jungle that I was living at the time. So one day I announced to Phil "what do you think of just taking what is in the bank and moving, getting the HELL out of Vancouver and away from this craziness?" very easy response "Sure, where are we going?" after approximately 20 min of naming cities and responding with NOPE, I had an idea "How about Kamloops, we have been there once, and my Uncle lives there?" Phil "Done!" And so within 30 days of that discussion we were packed and moved.

A very emotional move to say the least, I recall refusing to help with the boxes and just crying and letting all that had happened in the 8 years in that apartment just drain out of my tear ducts.  The relationships, the joy, the anger, the fears, the tears, the loneliness, everything that had come and gone in 8 years had to make its way out of me in 4 hours.

Long drive and lots in-between (this is the short version) we live in Kamloops, we get jobs we laugh about how crazy we are for up and moving like that, but the illness I had still hung over my head, I had not yet gained back the confidence I used to have. I still couldn't shake it off as I mentioned before. A year passes and I start to care again, I start to care about how people treat me, how people talk to me and I get angry again.  This is good, I wasn't angry or frankly anything for awhile. I found during depression that is your only feeling and emotion regardless of the situation it was all just too much, overwhelming and underwhelming all at the same time. Any other emotion I may have showed during that time was fake. I was just making nice.

So back to getting anger back, whoa did it come back. I had been working on a course The Artist Way. and I had only completed about 4 weeks  worth when the emotions started coming back.  Needless to say I quit my job that I was taking up space in and started the journey again, had just over two months off on EI, much of that was TV, writing, TV, reflecting, and silence.  My friends would call this time for me hibernating. I do this every now and then and it helps my process. Although it may not look like I am doing much to those very close to me who see me on a regular basis this inactive hibernating really helps.

The end of Feb 2015 comes along and I get a new job for a company selling mattress. I learn lots which is always good for me, I make connections, I learn more about me and come into my own a little bit more.

April came along and Phil proposed, of COURSE I said YES!!

I would say as of right now, right this instant, I am more the real me than ever before, and everyday it gets better. Everyday I move just that much more into myself and my true being.

And by the real me I mean my mindset, away from being fake, away from being in a deep depression,  away from being someone that everyone thinks I should be. Maybe that is age or just enlightenment.

Anyhow after all that updating I am here to say we are moving again. Phil has found an amazing Job in an amazing bakery in a tiny little town named Golden. So off we go, within a two week period yet again. Oh yes, I forgot to mention in all that last year business we moved from a basement suit to an apartment in a 3 week period too.

So we sort, clean, pack and move again.  Although I feel this move is significant, more so than even the one that got us out of Vancouver, this is THE BIG ONE, the one that is setting the stage for the rest of our lives, the rest of my life personally, for Phil and I as a couple, for Phil and I to move forward to create a family.

Anyhow, I am thinking I will work in a retail store again for a bit, part time, I might do my own business again, I feel I would be ready.

As for my physical health it is better than it has been, my mental health is way better than the past 3 years.

Being AWESOME!!

It has been a GREAT DAY!!!!! My Boyfriend (more serious than that he is my MAN life partner mastermind alliance) anyhow, My man just finished his schooling for Baking and he has been getting opportunities thrown at him today it is great SO PROUD. Aside from that the sun was shining and things are just looking really good for us right now. Which brings me to my post title, being AWESOME, I was reminded today again how important it is to have a partner that is right for you, Phil and I are without a doubt meant to be together, our core beliefs about a partnership and careers are very similar. We are equals in our partnership, all responsibilities are shared, money earned is ours and our careers are our own, we have a like for each others friends but in only some cases are we friends with each others friends. We support each other in what we strive for.

It makes for a much easier life having a partner who will support you in your life personally and professionally For example Phil is a baker, this calls for graveyard or early morning work hours, I am an interior designer and this calls for long hours some times and travel. We work with these realities.

It reminds me a book I really love and we both follow to our best ability - the four agreements

1.Be impeccable with your word
2.Never assume
3.Don't take it personally
4.Always do your best

It works - be AWESOME with everything you do, be awesome in your relationships be awesome with your self be awesome in your career - Trust.

Lesson one

So for the first time in two weeks I am actually up early-er-ish.... I am normally up at 5 or 5.30 and reading and doing all sorts of things. As I have talked about before I have been really tired the last while. I finally don't have a headache this morning either, I did get a neck and shoulder massage from a friend so that's part of it, I also changed my alarm clock on my phone to a new song, I found this one that seemed nice last night, bit of a hard rock type Pantera, Metallica maybe a little... well I'm AWAKE... it went off this morning, my gawd... I may or may not keep this, pro - it wakes me up con - little extreeeeeeem maybe.

So last night was life coach night,, of course I was a total mess again, I have been so busy this week and doing extra hours with photo shoots and a job isn't going as planned and the clients are coming home today and bla bla bla STRESS.. the reality is I don't have a stress management plan

We got right into it last night, I have been learning lots and attempting to apply these new habits to my life and for the most part there are some things that are making an impact but really I don't seem to be getting it.... I was interpreting the word Intention in the wrong way, I had the wrong paradigm as to what and why we have intention.

In my book it talks about your paradigms being like maps to a city.. you may have a great map of Chicago lots of detail and you really know it and can navigate perfectly... but if your in Dallas and your reading your Chicago map.... your going nowhere.

The interpretation of what and why we do things are our paradigms our maps I was interpreting Intention as make a plan and do it... get the book read the book make the notes DONE. Make the lunch the night before, have more time. done. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Yes I know shocking right, I also thought that was correct.

Jade explained Intention with the right words and the right description for me to understand clearer...

Intention - the meaning and energy behind something. The question behind Intention is what experience do you want to create?

For example why do am I getting up in the morning and writing my my blog? - cause it gets my thoughts out no. Because when I write out what I am thinking and share it, I connect with it better, and this makes me feel good, it releases stress and clears my thoughts. I also feel good knowing that by sharing my blog here, someone might read it and it will make a difference in their life.

We talked about using the right words to describe things and it really makes a difference in what words you use... Its the Second Agreement - Be Impeccable with your word - The Four Agreements Don Miguel Ruiz.