To speak up or not

Hi,  So I have had a couple of new experiences these past few days, and it has posed as question - to speak up or not? Maybe you get what i'm saying. Your friend is going through something, and instinctively you can tell, but they haven't said anything to you yet, so do you ask? do you drop hints? or do you leave it alone?

I've never been one to just ignore that a friend or family member is going through something. I feel it is part of why I am empathetic, is to be able to be there or help someone. Good or bad. But some might say it is just my ego saying hey get in there.

I don't think it is.

I've had two experiences in the last 24hrs that as they are both different I feel I acted the same. One being a family member that my gut says is in a situation where they may be caught up in some shiny stuff and not acknowledging their full feelings. And another where a dear friend needed someone to understand them but never reached out because they've felt like they were wrong for feeling the way they did.

So in the first instance with family, I didn't necessarily ask if they were sure about their situation, I implied it by stating that I was happy they were sure because when people are not sure *gut sure* things can go badly. I told a story about a personal experience where a couple of my friends thought they were sure about their to be long term commitments but in their gut was the tiny spark of doubt because small things were going on that could have been see as signs. I told how those people when they didn't listen or pay attention to those signs the ended up leaving those situations. I never once said that is whats going to happen to her, I simply said, I am happy you're sure, because I've seen what can happen when people are not. She took this story telling as me being negative towards her situation. Where she said she's happy and sure about her commitments.  She interpreted my sharing of other peoples story as an offence and began defending her situation. I think personally, if you're that sure about what you're doing, and the choices you've made, then a story of other people not working out shouldn't offend you.  I think I was correct to speak up. I don't think she thought so, but this would not be the first time someone didn't like my message.

On the second experience, My dear friend has gone though a tough divorce, there was not a lot of friendliness in it at all. There is also a child involved. She was telling me all about how unfortunately her ex husband has now developed a serious illness in the midst of their divorce and she had concern for his well being. I told her it was completely okay to be concerned and to put all the negativity behind them to focus on supporting family.  This surprised her. She shared that being kind in this situation was something she really wanted but felt she couldn't because everyone around her things she should still be angry. She started to open up about how deep down inside she thought she might still love him as a friend and missed that he was her best friend for so long. I encouraged her to tell him that. Again she was surprised I said that. "BEX thank you so much for saying that, you're the first person that made me feel it was okay" "Of Course it's okay to love him and miss him. Love is the strongest energy in the world and he's still your family. Why keep fighting when you don't even want to anymore. Why not be open and honest and tell him you love him and you miss your friendship!!, He is going through medical problems right now, love and friendship is going to help everyone a lot more right now, a lot more than anger and resentment." Plus, your kid can learn kindness, forgiveness and love from this situation!"

I think this was the first time in a long time she cried. She cried relief that this might work out okay, she cried because I was the first and only person who told her it was okay to have the feelings she did. She is a love and kindness person and the anger and resentment of her divorce wore so harsh on her she hatted the whole experience. So I suggested to do it her way, because just maybe he missed his best friend too, and just maybe in this tough time for him, he needed her. In this situation, again I am glad I spoke up, I feel it gave my friend a voice that she didn't think she could have.

So what are your experiences? Have you ever thought I should have said something but felt it wasn't okay to speak your mind? Have you ever held conviction that what you said was exactly as it should be, regardless of consequences?  In both these instances I have done exactly this before with each of them, the difference is one thinks I should mind my own business and one trusts that as a friend I am always going to tell her the truth and that I always have her best interest in mind. So who is right?

R

Why moving forward can be so Damn hard

So I thought I would share my personal experience with this. Why moving forward is so Damn hard. I believe that in our subconscious mind we are very smart, and we remember things much clearer than our conscious mind can at times. Our subconscious mind also tries to protect us, it steers us away from challenges, and difficult decisions because it likes to be comfortable.  The main problem with this is that moving forward isn't easy. That is why most people stay put, don't change and don't dive into the conscious mind.

Well I have gone there before, I have dove head first into deep deep conscious mind waters and got it in my nose and ears and splashed and felt like I was drowning. But the more I explored the more I understood. I took on learning about awareness like a sponge and all a while I was working very hard on my personal fitness. If you refer back a couple years in this blog you will see these very lovely photos of me, looking very fit.  Well the reality is I stopped. Someone got into my thoughts and I put them on a pedestal, I was convinced the only reason I could have gotten to my fitness goals was because of them. And once I made a few changes in my life and that person left I quit. I pretended to continue but what I was really doing was getting comfortable, because without that person, why try. I had given all the credit to them.

Now being aware and being comfortable is a funny thing, because I can talk the talk all over talk town but I sure as hell wasn't walking any walk. I was simply spewing my to-date knowledge to others who were just a few steps behind me. And the control part of me was just fine with that, Keep a few steps ahead of everyone else and you'll be fine. Well the problem with this was I got lazy and complacent and I stopped doing any of the work and I regurgitated all the past books and re-read them thinking and fooling myself into thinking I was moving forward.

But then, I was invited to an online book club. And I thought SURE it's time, I could use a new book or four.  So I started reading again, NEW information, NEW learning moving forward in my thinking. Typically for me when this happens I move forward in my physical fitness as well. Now remember that for about 6 years I really haven't dove back into these waters. I had a boo boo and I covered it up with a big O'l band aid and I got comfortable and my subconscious mind liked that it kept me there for 6 years.  I aslo stayed in that place becuase I gave away my credit. But Reading this new book I was reminded that It was me who did all the work the first time and I can do it again.

So here I am reading something that is pushing my comfort zone, and I like it, so I start to do mini workouts again. Except now because I am exercising my brain and consciousness a bit more I decide I am going to push a bit harder in my workout. Perfect, Yesterday 15 quick min of weights, I come downstairs I shower and I'm talking to my fiance and I cry, randomly, I cry about something ridiculous.  It only lasts a few min the its gone. So today I work, I come home, I workout, I push a bit harder again, because it feels good. ALL A WHILE THINKING ABOUT LETTING GO and opeing my heart. I push. I complete 20 min of weights and core, I come down stairs still super wound up, I had an abundance of energy after work and after my workout but not positive energy, ANGER, SADNESS, FRUSTRATION its half the reason I pusher harder again today. So I go to shower and I start to cry, and my chest is tight and my muscles feel tight. I finished my shower with bloodshot cried eyes and I go to my fiance, ONE hug and I'm DONE. I cried for at least half and hour. Just sitting in the kitchen tears streaming down my face while watching Phil chop veggies.

And this is exactly what this post is all about.

I haven't been couch lazing and avoiding workouts because the workouts are hard. NO NO NO NO NO,... My subconscious mind KNEW this was all going to begin again. For me I release stagnant energy and energy blockages and SHIT by crying, It is just what my body knows to do with it. No I was avoiding working out because the AFTER IS HARD. Did you know emotion is stored in cells, YES so when you workout for the first times and work hard, those cells are going to change and fat cells are going to leave your body and your going to loose weight but those emotions that energy isn't going to leave with the fat cells, not it needs to leave your body it's OWN way, ANGER, SADNESS, FRUSTRATION, all of it. is going to come out. THAT is why moving forward is do damn hard. Because our cells change when we work on our conscious minds and our physical bodies.

Most people get into awareness books and start physical fitness and then REALIZE all your SHIT is going to come up and release and it sucks its hard its overwhelming. And a lot of people quit at that point, they think that diving into the conscious mind or the physical fitness of our temple bodies is easy. it will be bliss full and enlightening.
OH it is.
LATER.
after the work is done.
But the work is hard.

So from now until I work through it all I accept that every night after my workout, I'll cry my eyes out, I'll curl up in a ball and weep. Then when those emotions are gone, I might experience anger or frustration until that too is gone. But I'm IN all IN.  Bring on the tears

R

Knowing Where you Stand.

It is amazing how hurtful and ultimately liberating it is to find out where you stand with people

Maya Angelou and Oprah said

“When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.
~Maya Angelou

"Remember this because it will happen many times in your life. When people show you who they are the first time believe them. Not the 29th. time. When a man doesn't call you back the first time, when you are mistreated the first time, when someone shows you lack of integrity or dishonesty the first time, know that this will be followed many many other times, that will some point in life come back to haunt or hurt you. Live your life in truth. Don't pretend to be someone you're not. You will survive anything if you live your life from the point of view of truth.” ~ Oprah Winfrey.

It is so true, But it isn't always easy to believe, especially if you're like me and you want to believe people are good. You want to believe that someone couldn't possibly be that cruel towards another person.  But they can be, and unfortunately THOSE people, those ones you hope are just having a bad day when they shit on you, Can be your friends your family, your in laws or someone very close to you.  Let me enlighten you.  They are not always having a bad day, some people are just cruel. And you know what, you are a great person, and didn't deserve any sort of shit treatment.  

This experience has recently happened to me, by both my to be mother in law and sister in law.  They both had sharp snake tongues, which I didn't deserve and I held my tongue. I played the higher ground and I kept my cool, for my Man.  And I have done this for 5 years because I though just maybe they were having bad days.  NOPE,  straight up mean.  

So now, after their most recent performances of true colors, I fully understand, they slipped up you see. They actually showed me what they truly thought of m. I don't believe they intended to, most of these type of people intend to, but every now and then they get cocky and let their EGO get in the way and they slip up.  

But as I said at the very beginning of this post, it is oddly liberating that this has happened. Because now I KNOW where I stand and what they truly think of me.  I don't have to try ANYMORE for them to like me, or accept me, I know now this may never happen. SO now I get to be ME!

I have bitten my tongue and kept my words in my stomach all these times and now I don't have to.

I can assure you, next time these people think they can treat me like shit, they are going to get a rude awaking, Because they are going to see I don't care what they think of me any more, I don't need their approval, 

I am proud of myself for figureing this out, sure it took me this long, but I got there. I hope anyone who reads this will also have a liberating moment when they too realize it doesn't matter what others think of you.

It matters what you think of you. And if you have your integrity, and you can stand up for yourself, even eventually, your a better person than them.  My mother always said to me. "Would you ever, ever do something to someone that they just did or said to you?" My response would always be NO

"then your already a better person"

Sending Love Light and Joy !!